Monday, December 20, 2010

Come and Get your Happiness

Perfect for Christmas,
Miss Temple you are still the cutest.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Officially Smoke free for 100 Days

If you are considering congradulating me you should know first...I have in that 100 days gained at least 10 pounds. So essentially replaced my bad habit for a more advanced stage of food addiction.

Friday, November 26, 2010

"A Marvelous Day"

My sweet perfect Grandma Robinson passed away this morning. She was my love, my mother, my teacher, my sounding board, my connection to faith, and one of my very best friends. She told family and friends all day yesterday with smiles on her face “Today is a marvelous day”.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Day 50

I would assume that I have this whole thing licked and that I will never again be hit with the urge to smoke. It feels like its over. However my cousin had been quit for 3 months before she broke down. Like with any addiction, all it takes is once and you are back to practicing the habit as if you had never quit. So I am trying to stay vigilant and guarded. I have no idea how long it will take before I feel "safe" or like I can trust myself. It was just last week that I sat on Beth's patio and wanted one so bad, and at that moment I regretted quitting because just "One" smoke in the Autumn air would have rocked um out. But instead....I went in.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


I read an article all about eggs and the good ones are almost all used up by age 35. I am not OLD enough to have discarded all my good Eggs. Time, and clocks, and big hands and tons of pressure. Annie and I had eggs for breakfast. My egg didn’t... drop yet this month. Will it ever again? I found the shell of an egg on the ground outside today. Isent that weird? Suddenly EGGS, they are everywhere. They are all I can think about. What the hell is the matter with me? I Googled EGGS in order to be able to visually express how I feel. But now I feel shame for my panic and embarrassment for what could be considered desperateness. Maybe it is. Or maybe its because whatever I am feeling it feels insanely private (but I can't figure out why) therefore going against all my instincts to share it on the internet. I am going to anyways. All of a sudden my monthly inconvenience is a lifeline to my future and I feel it slipping away and I am scared to death. I cry about it sometimes. It's horrible all those times I was angry at my Eggs for getting in the way of my life and now they are the only way to continue it. I feel great big guilt for resenting them when I was 13 and 24 and 31.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Girlfriend In a Coma

Annie got sick last weekend or maybe it was the weekend before. It was this whole thing where we ended up in the ER on a weekend night. It cost a ton of money, kept us up until one in the morning and the Dr. diagnosed her with seizures which I knew was ridiculous, all though if she were to drop into a seizure it wouldn’t really surprise me. Not much could surprise me at this point (not that I am calling on the fates to teach me a lesson). I sometimes expect to wake up and find my little girlfriend in a coma (which reminds me of a fabulous song), so I poke at her and wait for her to react by getting up, sighing and then walking to the end of bed before collapsing in exhaustion again. Anyway Annie started limping a few days ago and won’t jump up on anything…even me, which should make me happy but really doesn’t because it means she is hurting. I feel bad for her because with her allergies acting up it’s been over a month since she felt decent. I am worried that it is something serious and at the same time preying that I won’t have to fork out another chunk of my savings. It all makes me feel sorry for myself and for Anna Banana.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

My New Favorite Thing

Sleeping in a new house for the first week was really nerve wracking but I expected it to get better with a little time. Instead I have spent the last four months planning escape routes for me and Annie in case the Boogie Man decided to make an appearance. To say that I have missed only a few hours of sleep while worrying about every single little noise I heard would be an understatement. I have also considered what would happen if there were a fire while we slept. Or what if the Boogie Man or a fire happened while I was at work and Annie were trapped in the house? And that my friends, is where my story begins, with worry and upset for four long months.
So, last week Annie wakes up in the middle of the night, and starts barking in her “OMG there is someone in our freakin house” voice and goes bellowing down the stairs and into our TV room. From a dead sleep I sat straight up, heart pounding, eyes wide, befuddled and disoriented. I had run through this scenario a million times in my head, I knew exactly what to do.
In complete panic I said out loud “OH MY GOD. OKAY, THIS IS IT, ITS HAPPENING” as I threw the covers off of me and jumped out of bed. I then grabbed my sweat pants and pulled them on, fumbled for my keys and cell phone on the night stand, turned on the lamp and slipped my feet into some flip flops. You may be thinking “Wow, all that, I would just get out of the house” but you should know that I had this so well planned that all these things took place in about a 5 second time span. I was awesomely fast, like a trained fire fighter getting into his fire truck and I am now pretty proud of myself. Anyways, I then go flying down the stairs (really I was running with super freak speed), and landed in the TV room where Annie was now sitting with total patience. I did not yet see the intruder but I knew he was there. I then said in my loud “I am totally not freaking kidding you better get your ass over here and mind me” voice, “ANNIE COME HERE”. Of course she didn’t because she’s Annie and to date has yet to come to me except when bribed with treats. Why would I think a serial killer in our house would make any difference to her? This was about the time that I realized Annie was totally calm and there was in fact no one in our house. I sat down on the stairs and stared at my dog who was now licking herself. And there I was, one o’clock in the morning, my sweat pants on backwards, sitting on my stairs with keys, cell phone, and the total quietness of my empty house. This was the low point. I had to make a change. Obviously I was not going to quit worrying about it and something had to be done. And so the decision was made, I needed to get an alarm system.
Yesterday my new alarm/fire system was installed. There are motion sensors and wires and smoke detectors. It’s a real dream. I was so excited that I was not going to get killed last night that I couldn’t sleep. I am in love. I love this thing so much that every time I arm and disarm it I giggle. And when I woke up at 3:00 am for a potty break, I purposely tripped the alarm, just so I could turn it off. It was loud and woke Annie up and she made her annoyed stop waking me up noise. Ahhh sweet revenge for not coming to me when I asked.

Monday, September 27, 2010


My little (I think he is 3 or 4 years old) cousin came up to me last night and pointing at a cup I was holding said "Texie, can I have one of your sunflower seeds?" I said "Oh these are just the shells I have spit out; you don't want one of these they are gross." He then covered his mouth and with a worried expression whispered "I ate two of them". I smiled and said to his Mom "Beckett ate two shells out of my spit cup". She closed her eyes and quickly replied "Yeah I heard I'm just processing."

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Day 18

It has now been 18 days since I last smoked. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, I had to quit taking Chantix because it turned me into a crazy lady. The second I quit taking the Chantix all of the nicotine withdrawls came flooding on in, but I decided that no matter what I was not going to smoke. I was always afraid of quitting "Cold Turkey" because it sounded like torture. And it certainly was. The first week was offal. But it was not as bad as I always made it out to be. Now I am in week 3 without a cigarette and everything seems better. I think I can do this and I am so excited that I already have really.
I have a new found belief that there is nothing a pack of Jolly Ranchers and Davids Sunflower seeds cannot get me through if they could get me through that first week.
So its kinda lame that I am bragging like this but...yea me...I did it....well, I mean I probably did it.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Day 3

I quit smoking 3 days ago and its been going okay. Chantix works great except it turns you into a crazy person. At first I just sat on my couch and cried alot about nothing at all. Now it has turned into a hot ball of white anger. I am so annoyed that the tips of my toes feel angry and frusterated. I have to curl them to handle it. I mean I hate every single thing about this world. I hope the whole thing burns to the ground. And I hate me. I'm not exagerating like I usually do, that is really how I feel. In an hour or two I will most likely feel the opposite. But right this second I hate every single person, place and thing that I look at. I even hate this blog and how hateful it sounds. No I dont feel like harming myself or anyone else. I just feel really REALLY annoyed.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Buffy, Angel and a placed called Home

Well I have done it. After a long and seemingly horrific process, I am officially 6 days away from closing on a house. Someone told me “If you think getting into a house is horrible, wait till you try to get out”. That was scary. In fact the stress of this whole thing has aged me a decade I figure. Thank goodness that for the last two months I have not come home to worry myself sick about the house, but instead have been obsessed with watching the entire Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel series. Making home buying a nuisance and something that was taking up the time that I could have been spending in front of the TV. Important life lesson: If ever you are under extreme stress, you can turn on the tube and completely lose yourself in pretend people’s lives and just ignore your own. I realize that most of America has this already figured out, but I’m slow okay. Beth and Erin, its girlfriends like you that really know how to get a person through the fire. Had you not been such strong advocates for these shows, I may have never watched and I don’t know if I would have made it through the house buying process. Coarse, I am now forever upset that Spike died in the Hell Mouth and Buffy never realized that Lust is just as important as Love, but hey maybe Angel will make it all better! This next week will surely be filled with things I should be accomplishing and planning for, but instead I think I will be plopped down in front of the television immersed in the drama of demon killing. What I can pack and watch Kung foo at the same time.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Sweetie Pies

Okay this is the cutest idea that ever happened. They are mini pies (filled with fruit or chicken pot pie filling) that you pre-make and serve up when you want. So dang cute I can’t wait to make them.

First you have to have some fat necked (not skinny) ½ pint jars.

1. Make a pie dough.
2. Push the dough into the sides of the jar.
3. Fill with fruit or chicken pot pie filling. About ½ C. for each jar.
4. Using dough leftovers roll out and cut a topper using the jar lid.
Apple Pies: sprinkle with a brown sugar crumb topping.
Cherry Pies: Make a lattice
5. Cut slits with a knife (or use a cute mini cookie cutter) for venting.
6. Put the dough top over the pie and push against the sides of the jar to seal.
7. Add a small pad of butter on top of the crust.
8. Put the lids on tight and freeze them.
9. When ready set your oven at 375. Pull a few from the freezer and toss them into the oven for about 45 minutes. (Let them warm up with the oven so you don’t have any cold glass in oven issues).
10. When they are bubbly and warm throughout you serve and eat them in the JARS, is that adorable? I cant stand it, so cute.

If making chicken pot pies, and you can stand to do it, skip the crust on the insides of the jar and just add a top crust. It will save on the calories.
For the step by step go to:

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Okay after this I'll shut up

I guess my complaint is that I don’t want to change the 'fundamentals' of our country (read yesterdays entry). I love my country, and although I am not opposed to change, especially when it comes to health care, I certainly am against a situation where our Government tells us what to do or penalizes us when we choose differently. WE DECIDE not them. Holy cow the audacity, I am an American, don’t tell me what to do or I will freak out! Isn’t changing the fundamentals really a change of our constitution? I mean those rights are the fundamentals of this country. It is their job to protect the constitution of the United States, but it is our personal responsibility to ensure that that is what they are doing. I may be reading into what he said a little more than I should, but that sentence is weird and it scares me. And the fact that there is so much confusion involved here makes me even more nervous. WHY ARE WE SO CONFUSED ABOUT SOMETHING THAT IS SUCH A BIG DEAL? I know it is our responsibility to inform ourselves, but as Beth and I were discussing yesterday, we have been reading and trying to inform ourselves, but finding an unbiased description of what is really going on is almost impossible. I have been trying to figure it out for a month now. This is BS! The rhetoric and politics feel like lies on both sides.

Monday, March 22, 2010


Six days ago, President Obama said “We are five days away from fundamentally transforming the United States of America”. Really? What does “Fundamental transforming” consist of? I have to ask because I think I am not the only uninformed person secretly wondering inside “Should I be scared?”

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

About Corey Haim

Prescription Drugs Kill 300 Percent More Americans Than Illegal Drugs.
Tell your kids.

The Magpies

For the last week and half I have been watching two Magpies build a nest. If you have never done this, you totally should, there is something spiritual and calming about it. When they first started, I thought “Oh that is never going to work” because the space they were attempting to build it in was huge with nothing to support its weight. I even felt sorry for them because I am a super smart human and they are just stupid little birds. I should have trusted that they knew exactly what they were doing, because now they have this huge beautiful mansion, sturdy (survived a crazy wind last week) and well built. I can’t even find a house, little lone build one. If I had the work ethic of these two Magpies amazing things would be accomplished. They are diligent and work from sun up to sunset; only breaking for wind and snow. Eleven days now they have been carrying over their sticks from various directions with total consistency. Often the sticks fall straight to the ground. Gone. You’d think that they would attempt to pick them up, but instead they abandon the fallen sticks all together. It seems like a metaphor for my life. I am sometimes so busy trying to pick up my fallen sticks that I forget the main goal. If I would just “Let Go”, leave the sticks where they fell and keep trudging on things would work out differently, and probably better.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Being Long Tailed

Buying a house is such a pain that I have recently begun wondering if it is worth it. After all living with my father means never being alone, he is awesome at keeping the wood burning stove stuffed full of wood so that the house is always the warmest, loveliest place to come home to. He always mows the lawn and shovels the walks. I really have nothing to worry about at all. It’s nice. Sure I am an old lady living in her father’s basement, but I have never really cared much about what people think of me on that score.
The pressure of buying a house is making me a little nuts, a little nervous and anxious. Dad himself keeps saying “You act like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs”. But it is a big deal right? It’s my home, and my work, and my time (9 hours a day, 5 days a week) that we are talking about here. I don’t want to make a mistake and it's to the point that I would almost prefer staying right here in my happy bliss.
Of coarse Dad see’s things differently. In discussing my ‘at home comfort levels’ he replies with such things as “NOOOOO, GET OUT, GET OUT!!”, and other little subtle things like that.
So last night I thankfully was reminded of why he makes me crazy and why I do actually want my own home. Here is the list:
-Stays up all night watching that freaking fire in fear that it will go out and we will be cold. Seriously, stays awake until like 2:00 every morning, walking up and down the stairs (which happen to be located right over my head). I woke up last night from all his stomping around, only to realize that the TV was blasted while he watched a 1985 NASCAR race. I wish I could capitalize numbers because right here is where I would capitalize 85’. Who cares about a 1985 NASCAR race? WHO? That is the worst sound to wake up to because it’s all that buzzing, vroom, weeeeeeen, vroom as they make like 500 laps around and around.
-Then this morning I wanted toast for breakfast, but the toaster died (the one Owen gave us back in 1998(ish) and there will be no toast in this house until I replace the device because he will see it as an un-needed ‘cost’.
-I have asked him over 100 times if he could please ask his visiting teachers to come earlier in the evening. I don’t understand what is going on here. They show up at 8:00pm and talk until 9:00 or 10:00 O’clock. Are visiting teachers supposed to stay that long? So because I emanate a feeling of annoyance when they enter the house, I am pretty sure they have decided that I am not supportive of his belief system (so untrue) and so they fight harder to ‘keep him on their side’. (Mind you, I have no proof that this is going on, it’s a super big assumption on my part, but it feels real). Last week, they sent teachers to visit ME. They were very nice, but like seriously I have nothing in common with them. You may be thinking "Classic black sheep" but, for the record I see myself being more of a purple or green hue.
-He yells at Annie for the lamest things. She is such a good dog and her and I both look at him in confusion when he gets all riled up about something like a piece of paper towel ripped in two on the floor. (Which if I see first I always pick up).
Well, that is pretty much it. He is actually my best friend in the whole world so you would think I could pull up a little more dirt than those lame 4 examples. But they are all I have to hold onto. They are the silver branch of light I am using to fight against the overwhelming desire to give up on the house search.
Tonight my agent and I are going to see a house in Layton. He said there was ‘Just a little water damage’ in the basement. I wonder if his concept of a little is the same as mine? Like did a kid spill his sippy cup on the carpet and a few drops soaked in or did the entire basement fill with 6 feet of water during last winters thaw?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Texie- On being a Brat

As I drove to an appointment yesterday to see yet another house, I thought about my sad, sad condition. All the things I wanted for myself that I have never gotten (because they were supposed to be served to me on a silver platter), about how my life really has not turned out the way I expected. It’s not bad, but I do not have everything I want either. And by the time I reached my destination, I was downright drowning in pity and despair for what I have become. I set these feelings aside as I met with the real estate agent that is selling the house and stepped inside. There was a nice woman standing in the kitchen and she immediately apologized about the condition of her messy house, which was indeed a disaster. As I walked the trail of her scattered belongings, I had the hell scared out of me a couple of times by little faces that would out of nowhere…appear. I think there were 4 or 5 kids I inadvertently ‘ran’ into. One smiled at me but the rest kept their heads down lost in their own thoughts. The house didn’t have that ‘Happy Home’ feel to it. I mistakenly (and small mindedly) blamed it on the clutter. I couldn’t wait to get out of there and so once I had quickly scoured the residence I thanked the lady for her time and stepped out of the house. The real-estate agent said “I am sorry it was such a mess in there. They are the renters and in talking with the woman I found out that she just recently lost her husband”. I replied “Oh that’s okay, I hope she lost him through a divorce” trying not to assume the worst. But the realtor said “No Brain Cancer”. BRAIN CANCER. She is my age, has tons of children, is about to lose her rented home and her husband just died from brain cancer? For real? This kind of total nightmare stuff actually happens?
This morning I woke to the news of Haiti and the devastation that has taken place there and feel shame for my ridiculous self pity. My life is great. I have the most wonderful father in the world, the most sincere friends that ever existed, a dog that showers me in unconditional love, a fantastic job, great colleagues, a home, food, my eyes and ears and limbs (even if my ass acts as a booster seat in the most uncomfortable situations) and I am so loved. It really is a shame that I am a spoiled rotten brat unaware of the reality of her life. Instead of being grateful that my friends are not being pulled out of collapsed buildings in a lifeless state, I wander around town wondering why material things have not been served to me.
I hope you all know (my many, many followers) that I love you so much, that my life is so rich and it is because of you. And if I take you for granted, (and I probably will again) I am so sorry because you are my biggest blessings.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Annie's 3rd Birthday

A new Birthday coat and a ball that whistles, what more could one want?

Around noon we will be going to McDonalds for her 6 piece chicken McNugget Happy Meal and then I will take her to visit her favorite people. It may be strange to celebrate a dogs Birthday but really its a freakin miracle I have gotten her this far what with her physical problems and 'special needs'.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Ramblings and Updates

Due to overwhelming demand, I guess I should attempt a post. There does not seem like much to say these days, I guess that is why I have not. I am currently looking for a house to buy. It’s turning out to be kind of fun so far. I have written my list of “Must Have’s” which are:
- A back door
- Fully fenced
- Good roof
- Sprinkler system
- Shed (if no garage)
I would really like to have some covered parking, but after some investigative work I have determined that if the price is right for the house I buy, I can afford to put my own car port in. Same with a covered patio. It’s only like $1500.00 to 2000.00 bucks. It would defiantly take me a year to save for it but it could be done.
That’s pretty much it. I don’t want to spend time bitching about Jayson and how he is dying because I would rather be in denial and then shocked when it happens as opposed to facing it and being shocked when it happens.
Bret called and left a voice message on my work phone the other day. I puked but it was just a little in my mouth so not really worth mentioning. lol.
Annie is good. Just happy to be alive and have friends. I swear if I aspired to be like anyone it would be her. Always positive, always happy, accepts things the way they are, kind, makes friends easy and never gets mad. She would make an excellent human being, but then she makes an excellent dog too.
I actually had a really great Birthday, went to Rainbow Gardens with all my girlfriends, the most beautiful women on the planet, and then we shopped, went to a movie and even got ourselves a pedicure. So funny because at the end, the two girlfriends that were left at that point, both went on and on about how therapeutic the day had been for them. Beth, the new Mom of a crazy curious boy had a broken foot, well practically, and Ricki, the mother of two darling girls, one of which is now a tween (that’s what they call them now right?) felt like they had spent the day at the spa. It made me feel good that my Birthday could be a time of womanly regrouping instead of another ‘To Do’ on life’s endless list of to do’s. Ricki even called crying (at least I think she was) telling me Thank you for the great day. I have no stresses so it was just some good ol’ fun for me. Of course after going through the house buying process I reserve the right to retract that last statement.
Christmas was great, I spent time with my Pa, brother and niece. New Year’s festivities were held at Nichole’s house this year. We were all party party. Beth even brought her funky Happy New Year headband. And now I am back to work off of Holidays and it’s been a little hard to get back in the swing of things. Before Christmas I didn’t work this many hours of the day I swear. Now I am pretty sure I am putting in about 15 hour days even though the clock says something contrary to that. So that’s about it. I hope all you have a wonderful Christmas and I hope your New Year is full of hope and goals for the future!