Thursday, October 21, 2010


I read an article all about eggs and the good ones are almost all used up by age 35. I am not OLD enough to have discarded all my good Eggs. Time, and clocks, and big hands and tons of pressure. Annie and I had eggs for breakfast. My egg didn’t... drop yet this month. Will it ever again? I found the shell of an egg on the ground outside today. Isent that weird? Suddenly EGGS, they are everywhere. They are all I can think about. What the hell is the matter with me? I Googled EGGS in order to be able to visually express how I feel. But now I feel shame for my panic and embarrassment for what could be considered desperateness. Maybe it is. Or maybe its because whatever I am feeling it feels insanely private (but I can't figure out why) therefore going against all my instincts to share it on the internet. I am going to anyways. All of a sudden my monthly inconvenience is a lifeline to my future and I feel it slipping away and I am scared to death. I cry about it sometimes. It's horrible all those times I was angry at my Eggs for getting in the way of my life and now they are the only way to continue it. I feel great big guilt for resenting them when I was 13 and 24 and 31.


Beth said...

I really like that picture. I remember waking up in cold sweat once in apartment thinking "oh my god I will never have a baby" Even as I write this my mind goes in a thousand different directions; it is such a complicated issue. Even after having a baby it is still a complicated issue.

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