Monday, February 25, 2008


There are no words to fully describe the appreciation, love, admiration, and the friendship that I feel toward my Dad. But if there were, I would write them here...

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so he called it ... Dad
~~Author Unknown.~~

Thursday, February 14, 2008

I Crash, Its what I do

Although I have not yet met anyone else who suffers from the same affliction as me, I believe there are many of us out there. Or, at least I hope there are or else I will have to entertain the idea that “they” really are “out to get me”. My affliction: I crash. That’s what I do. It happens every 1 to 3 years and I have been on a pretty good stretch so it was bound to happen again.
So last night I am giving my younger brother a ride over to McDonalds, located around the corner, and while sitting at a stop sign, a car turning right onto the road I was on, slides about 10 feet and finally stops inside my car. Just kidding, he wasn’t “inside” but he hit pretty solid into my front driver’s side.
I was not at fault. I was not cited. And thankfully my doggy was A-Okay, oh yeah, so was my brother. I guess I am discouraged because of all the hassle I will be facing today, and because after an accident, a car is never the same. I almost have this car paid off. I am this close to being out from under a payment, and it’s always the same, I crash!
So my father had to give me a ride to work this morning because I have no vehicle. All the way into work I got a lecture. “What the hell were you doing out on those roads last night? Don’t chew got any sense t’all? I raised you to think a little clearer than that? What’s the matter with you, why are you being so quiet?” My answer was “Because I am 31 years old and this lecture makes me feel 16 again, and when I was 16 I was frightened by these lectures, and so I just stayed quiet. Forgive me for “reverting” back.” Of course my father is the greatest man I have ever known, but sometimes those lectures…..
Anyway all is well. Everyone is safe, and I am now fighting with insurance companies to make sure I get a rental by the end of the day.

Monday, February 11, 2008

VD's For Everyone!!

There are three types of people it would seem. The romantics who love Valentine’s day (now limited in number and continuing to die out), those that loathe and despise it (let’s call them the “loathers”), and those that sit at home watching TV, crying about how alone they are in this world. The “loathers” are the ones who get all worked up about the commercialism of Valentine’s Day. They think we should all be “Outraged”! As for the “sit at homers”…don’t you worry, someday, or so they say, you will find the one. I, for some reason, have managed to escape both pathetic scenarios and treat Valentine’s Day like it was any other day. No big thing although, I definitely want one. I have never once had a Valentine. I hate to be so…non-pragmatic but I want the romance. I want flowers and chocolate. I want dinner and hotel rooms. I want lacy panties and pushup bras that put that “look” on his face. I want the passion, the fun, the time spent thinking about each other, I want all of it! For those of you who go off on the whole “commercialism”, “their out to get our money” crap, remember, Valentine’s Day was celebrated way before they boxed chocolates. Shakespeare wrote about it and he didn’t mention spending tons of money, it was the idea of celebrating something that you may have that perhaps many in the world may be lacking. I’m sorta sick of the bitter bitching about money. If I did have a Valentine I would make it special every single year. I would go above and beyond, simply because I could. You don’t have to spend hundreds on jewels, just love your love and appreciate them a little more than you normally do for one day. Take a bubble bath. Eat dinner with a candle lit. These are not serious, go in debt ideas.
If you have found “the one”, then you are so lucky. This is a blessing you have been given and if you don’t “feel” like spending money on “the one”, or the two of you have decided to not celebrate your love this year, what fools you are. If you were to lose your love sometime this year would you regret your very last Valentine’s Day? I’m just saying.

Friday, February 8, 2008

The Perils of Smoking

Ah, the perils of nicotine. I have been trying to quit smoking for 1 year, 1 month, 17 days, 12 minutes and 57 seconds! And to no avail. Hadn’t had a smoke for like 30 days and then I just faltered. It’s not the end of the world but “they” sure would make you think it was. I wish I could explain how much I love smoking. I really, really….love to smoke. I love to smoke in all the seasons, with friends, or when there are none. Extremely happy, or in the depths of despair; It’s a way of life, even if it is a limited life in the end. I love cigarettes with coffee in the morning, after working out, in the car, after meals or when I am really hungry. I love them when I am stressed and when I am happy. What to do? I feel so bad for my heart. It has to try to keep up with the irregular fluctuations of the nicotine drug consistently pumping through it. In a nut shell….I can’t stop.
It’s just so unaccepted now. So 1994. All the people I work with are non-smokers. Everywhere you go you hear about how horrible it is and how unwelcome it is. Well, all I have to say is, it tastes and feels so good that I am pretty sure that even God smokes. (Now dont freak out, I didnt mean that).
Boy do I wish I would have never tried that first one. I remember it clearly. I was 14 years old. At my dad’s house for the weekend and he had just left the house. I was all alone and there they were 3 large cartons of Merit Ultra lights. They just wanted me to open them. And so I did not knowing the uphill and constant battle I was creating for the rest of my life.
Nichole decided they were unhealthy and so she quit. How? Don’t know. Ricki does this too. She just puts them down. Decided. How do you really make a decision to change? I make decisions to change in different ways every single day, but were they ever really decisions if I go back to my old ways?
Honestly, I am now relaxed and back to my comfortable, happy self, even though I have the cloud of impending doom looming over my head. I don’t want to die from cancer. I don’t have the money for cancer, for one. And secondly, I have seen people dying from cancer and it is not a pretty sight. As a child, I remember waking up in the middle of the night, disoriented in the darkness, by my uncle who cried out in agonizing pain from the room next to me, moaned and hollered even in his sleep. When my Grandmother asked him “What is wrong?” I remember him saying “My bones hurt”. I can’t get this out of my mind. His BONES HURT! I mean what am I doing? What kind of decisions am I making for myself here? Will I look back to today’s decisions as I look back now at my decision to have that first smoke? I guess I will just keep on tryin’. It’s got to get easier right?
The problem is, I don’t have anyone more important to me than myself. It’s always mothers and fathers who end up quitting because they have someone more significant than themselves in their lives.
Is there anyone out there that may want to impregnate me?.....Hello?

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Ohhh yeah, I forgot!

I feel as if I have been fighting against myself and everything else in the world lately. So driving home a couple of days ago I began to prey. Just left work, in the car, out loud, I couldn’t help it, I just started talkin’ to the ol’ boy. Told him sorry for how long it has been since he last heard from me. I explained every nuance in my life. Thanked him for every lesson I have been given the last couple of years. (Even the humbling “boob flop” incident on the sidewalk the other day). And as I talked to him about all my ideas and theories something happened. The same thing that always happens when I prey, I calmed down.
That old “Why are you freaking out?” feeling came over me. Nothing in life is really so complicated that I need to develop an ulcer over it. The snow will melt. My brother will eventually buy a car. Everything is okay. Why I forget to relax and just live in today is beyond me. Why I try to run around controlling everything when very, very little is within my power to control is….well, just insane.
I also forget the power of prayer. My dad always says “When life gets really hard, you better fall to your knees and fight like a man”. He’s a cowboy. I love him. I love all my people. People…I Super LOVE you.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (or something very similar to that).