Another Explaination

I guess I will explain myself and my last post. I cry for Mormonism because I think it is incredibly misunderstood. And I think these misunderstandings exist as much on the inside (by practicing people) as on the outside (by the non-practicing). I guess this last weekend I was thrown into a bit of a spiritual crisis when my very sweet, beautiful and extremely pious cousin sat down to have a talk with me. She currently has 3 boys and a year ago had the most darling little girl. Seriously if I could be guaranteed that I would give birth to a replica of this little girl I would do it in a second! She has red, curly hair, and fair skin, and the chubbiest little cheeks. I am pretty sure that I have never seen a child as beautiful as this one. I want to steal her. But that is beside the point. I asked my cousin if, now that she has had her little girl, if she is done having kids? And her smile dissipated from her face and then she shook her head. “Why” I asked, “Are you pregnant?” “No” she says “My husband wants to have more.” So I said “Well, if your done, your done. I mean you have given the man 4 kids.” And then she said “He wants more and before we got married we both agreed on lots and lots of kids”. So I say “So. Plans change.” And anyway the point of this dialog is that this fabulous girl is not able to make choices for herself. And I think its abusive, and I think it is wrong! She and her husband are extremely religious and I have heard him go off before on his “replenish the earth” speeches and apparently he won’t let it go. EVEN THOUGH HIS WIFE IS DONE!! I think it is disrespectful. And I think he does this simply because he is running a campaign for bishop. He wants to be the very best Mormon of all the Mormons that ever walked! It’s a big show you know? Nothing is really real with them. Everyone walks around with a forced smile and fake happy tone in their voice and I don’t even know my cousin anymore because she is so caught up in the role of “happy perfect Mormon”. I have seen the pressure that is put on the LDS to be perfect. But I do not believe that it is actually put on them by the church. These stereotypes are placed there by the actual people in the church, and it’s enough to cause Utah to have the highest suicide rate in the entire country! And so I cry for the church, because I think it is judged and misunderstood by non-Mormons. And I think it is equally misunderstood by its members, but in different ways. We are all human. God knows this and loves us without conditions. Regardless of whether we are married in the temple or have 50 million children. We are not our husband’s property either. We are each individuals that have choices to make and it makes me sad when my loved one feels so trapped and actually believes that its God’s will. Okay that’s it. Off my soap box. Besides, maybe I am wrong. Maybe God has expectations of us that some can’t live up to and if we don’t live up to them he will hate us and send us from his sight. (But I don’t think I am wrong.) I sure hope my cousin never reads this. I wanted to vent it but felt apprehension in posting something so controversial, especially when my whole family of LDS could read it at anytime. But you guys know me, I don’t let go of things. When I see something that I don’t think is right I stand up and declare it! I wouldn’t mind insight if you have some.