Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Woah! I almost backed into this wall!

Ever feel loserly? Unaccomplished? Poor? I feel lost and without goals. This never has settled well with me. I like to feel that I am moving forward in life not backward. I think I am going the opposite of everyone I know and If I dont quit moving backwards I may trip! I gotta quit being a stagnant pool of a person. I have to have goals. So in the back of my head I hear my mother’s voice “Texie, you have to go to school, then you can get married for love and won’t be dependent on a man for anything”. I think this goes along with her “leave anytime you want” philosophy. I love her concept, as twisted and perhaps bitter as it may sound. And the truth is...She had these huge expectations set for me in my life and I haven’t lived up to a single one of them. But school is one that I can live up to and even stranger…I want to! I have been programmed to believe that until I hold that little piece of paper in my hands, I will not yet be successful. It’s not about the money, although I will have a ton of it, it’s not about the bragging rights, of which I won’t be sad about, it’s about doing this one thing that will make me feel good about me! When your life is going nowhere, you feel so displaced and unattached to anything good. So I have made an appointment! And I am going this afternoon to enroll in a bachelors program, I’m not sure which one (LOL) but I am sure it will be great. I am going to get some financial aid and get going with my life again! Wahoo!! Got to get it done. The whole Major/Minor thing as I mentioned is undetermined so any suggestions in the next couple of hours would be most appreciated! Need more to go on? Well, I can write. And I am very good at crafts and making things pretty. I can bake and cook good but would never want to do that as a career. And that’s about it, that’s all I can offer you. Now….may the suggestions flood in!


Beth said...

Computer design. I don't think that is the name for it. But like making art with computers. Two things: #1 it's crafty and artistic, which you are good at. #2 it's in computers, which makes people money. This would lead into your previous blog about getting a house.

Texie said...

Good Idea! Thanks. I will look into that. I am sorta rushing it because if I dont do it I never will and then I wont love myself anymore. If worst comes to worst Im just gonna get a communications degree and forget about it! At least I will have that piece of paper.

Cygnus said...

I think what Beth meant was "graphic design." You know who to talk to--Amy. She's a whiz with PhotoShop and stuff. But you know that. :)

Don't stress about school. Everyone's different; everyone has a different path. Lori does this to herself all the time: she tries to compare her life to that of her friends, and she sometimes gets really depressed. You can't do that to yourself. It's not fair to you. You may not see it, but you *are* successful. You have a job; you sustain yourself (AND family, on occasion); you contribute to society.

I like to make the analogy that no one is on the same path; we all run along in parallel--not serial. Everyone has different "obstacles" in their paths. Similarly, everyone has different "power-ups" (to use a video game reference).

Don't sweat it. Seriously. You're an upstanding person. :)

Jylaire said...

hey there! I'm so glad you found our blog, so that I could find yours! It's been way too long. You need to start coming around more so that we can see you, and so that my kids can get to know you!

The Coopers said...

Texie! I found you through Jylaire, I hope you don't mind! It's been way too long! I hope all is going well, it sounds like it is. We miss ya and love ya. Good luck w/ the school thing...I'm not much help there, I can't pick a degree for myself! Love ya,