Okay after this I'll shut up

I guess my complaint is that I don’t want to change the 'fundamentals' of our country (read yesterdays entry). I love my country, and although I am not opposed to change, especially when it comes to health care, I certainly am against a situation where our Government tells us what to do or penalizes us when we choose differently. WE DECIDE not them. Holy cow the audacity, I am an American, don’t tell me what to do or I will freak out! Isn’t changing the fundamentals really a change of our constitution? I mean those rights are the fundamentals of this country. It is their job to protect the constitution of the United States, but it is our personal responsibility to ensure that that is what they are doing. I may be reading into what he said a little more than I should, but that sentence is weird and it scares me. And the fact that there is so much confusion involved here makes me even more nervous. WHY ARE WE SO CONFUSED ABOUT SOMETHING THAT IS SUCH A BIG DEAL? I know it is our responsibility to inform ourselves, but as Beth and I were discussing yesterday, we have been reading and trying to inform ourselves, but finding an unbiased description of what is really going on is almost impossible. I have been trying to figure it out for a month now. This is BS! The rhetoric and politics feel like lies on both sides.

Change???

Six days ago, President Obama said “We are five days away from fundamentally transforming the United States of America”. Really? What does “Fundamental transforming” consist of? I have to ask because I think I am not the only uninformed person secretly wondering inside “Should I be scared?”

About Corey Haim

Prescription Drugs Kill 300 Percent More Americans Than Illegal Drugs.
Tell your kids.

The Magpies

For the last week and half I have been watching two Magpies build a nest. If you have never done this, you totally should, there is something spiritual and calming about it. When they first started, I thought “Oh that is never going to work” because the space they were attempting to build it in was huge with nothing to support its weight. I even felt sorry for them because I am a super smart human and they are just stupid little birds. I should have trusted that they knew exactly what they were doing, because now they have this huge beautiful mansion, sturdy (survived a crazy wind last week) and well built. I can’t even find a house, little lone build one. If I had the work ethic of these two Magpies amazing things would be accomplished. They are diligent and work from sun up to sunset; only breaking for wind and snow. Eleven days now they have been carrying over their sticks from various directions with total consistency. Often the sticks fall straight to the ground. Gone. You’d think that they would attempt to pick them up, but instead they abandon the fallen sticks all together. It seems like a metaphor for my life. I am sometimes so busy trying to pick up my fallen sticks that I forget the main goal. If I would just “Let Go”, leave the sticks where they fell and keep trudging on things would work out differently, and probably better.

Being Long Tailed

Buying a house is such a pain that I have recently begun wondering if it is worth it. After all living with my father means never being alone, he is awesome at keeping the wood burning stove stuffed full of wood so that the house is always the warmest, loveliest place to come home to. He always mows the lawn and shovels the walks. I really have nothing to worry about at all. It’s nice. Sure I am an old lady living in her father’s basement, but I have never really cared much about what people think of me on that score.
The pressure of buying a house is making me a little nuts, a little nervous and anxious. Dad himself keeps saying “You act like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs”. But it is a big deal right? It’s my home, and my work, and my time (9 hours a day, 5 days a week) that we are talking about here. I don’t want to make a mistake and it's to the point that I would almost prefer staying right here in my happy bliss.
Of coarse Dad see’s things differently. In discussing my ‘at home comfort levels’ he replies with such things as “NOOOOO, GET OUT, GET OUT!!”, and other little subtle things like that.
So last night I thankfully was reminded of why he makes me crazy and why I do actually want my own home. Here is the list:
-Stays up all night watching that freaking fire in fear that it will go out and we will be cold. Seriously, stays awake until like 2:00 every morning, walking up and down the stairs (which happen to be located right over my head). I woke up last night from all his stomping around, only to realize that the TV was blasted while he watched a 1985 NASCAR race. I wish I could capitalize numbers because right here is where I would capitalize 85’. Who cares about a 1985 NASCAR race? WHO? That is the worst sound to wake up to because it’s all that buzzing, vroom, weeeeeeen, vroom as they make like 500 laps around and around.
-Then this morning I wanted toast for breakfast, but the toaster died (the one Owen gave us back in 1998(ish) and there will be no toast in this house until I replace the device because he will see it as an un-needed ‘cost’.
-I have asked him over 100 times if he could please ask his visiting teachers to come earlier in the evening. I don’t understand what is going on here. They show up at 8:00pm and talk until 9:00 or 10:00 O’clock. Are visiting teachers supposed to stay that long? So because I emanate a feeling of annoyance when they enter the house, I am pretty sure they have decided that I am not supportive of his belief system (so untrue) and so they fight harder to ‘keep him on their side’. (Mind you, I have no proof that this is going on, it’s a super big assumption on my part, but it feels real). Last week, they sent teachers to visit ME. They were very nice, but like seriously I have nothing in common with them. You may be thinking "Classic black sheep" but, for the record I see myself being more of a purple or green hue.
-He yells at Annie for the lamest things. She is such a good dog and her and I both look at him in confusion when he gets all riled up about something like a piece of paper towel ripped in two on the floor. (Which if I see first I always pick up).
Well, that is pretty much it. He is actually my best friend in the whole world so you would think I could pull up a little more dirt than those lame 4 examples. But they are all I have to hold onto. They are the silver branch of light I am using to fight against the overwhelming desire to give up on the house search.
Tonight my agent and I are going to see a house in Layton. He said there was ‘Just a little water damage’ in the basement. I wonder if his concept of a little is the same as mine? Like did a kid spill his sippy cup on the carpet and a few drops soaked in or did the entire basement fill with 6 feet of water during last winters thaw?

Texie- On being a Brat

As I drove to an appointment yesterday to see yet another house, I thought about my sad, sad condition. All the things I wanted for myself that I have never gotten (because they were supposed to be served to me on a silver platter), about how my life really has not turned out the way I expected. It’s not bad, but I do not have everything I want either. And by the time I reached my destination, I was downright drowning in pity and despair for what I have become. I set these feelings aside as I met with the real estate agent that is selling the house and stepped inside. There was a nice woman standing in the kitchen and she immediately apologized about the condition of her messy house, which was indeed a disaster. As I walked the trail of her scattered belongings, I had the hell scared out of me a couple of times by little faces that would out of nowhere…appear. I think there were 4 or 5 kids I inadvertently ‘ran’ into. One smiled at me but the rest kept their heads down lost in their own thoughts. The house didn’t have that ‘Happy Home’ feel to it. I mistakenly (and small mindedly) blamed it on the clutter. I couldn’t wait to get out of there and so once I had quickly scoured the residence I thanked the lady for her time and stepped out of the house. The real-estate agent said “I am sorry it was such a mess in there. They are the renters and in talking with the woman I found out that she just recently lost her husband”. I replied “Oh that’s okay, I hope she lost him through a divorce” trying not to assume the worst. But the realtor said “No Brain Cancer”. BRAIN CANCER. She is my age, has tons of children, is about to lose her rented home and her husband just died from brain cancer? For real? This kind of total nightmare stuff actually happens?
This morning I woke to the news of Haiti and the devastation that has taken place there and feel shame for my ridiculous self pity. My life is great. I have the most wonderful father in the world, the most sincere friends that ever existed, a dog that showers me in unconditional love, a fantastic job, great colleagues, a home, food, my eyes and ears and limbs (even if my ass acts as a booster seat in the most uncomfortable situations) and I am so loved. It really is a shame that I am a spoiled rotten brat unaware of the reality of her life. Instead of being grateful that my friends are not being pulled out of collapsed buildings in a lifeless state, I wander around town wondering why material things have not been served to me.
I hope you all know (my many, many followers) that I love you so much, that my life is so rich and it is because of you. And if I take you for granted, (and I probably will again) I am so sorry because you are my biggest blessings.

Annie's 3rd Birthday

A new Birthday coat and a ball that whistles, what more could one want?

Around noon we will be going to McDonalds for her 6 piece chicken McNugget Happy Meal and then I will take her to visit her favorite people. It may be strange to celebrate a dogs Birthday but really its a freakin miracle I have gotten her this far what with her physical problems and 'special needs'.