Stumped!

I have had jobs that were all about knowing what you don’t know. I have also had jobs where knowing what you know is what it is all about. I have even had jobs where knowing what you know, and knowing what you don’t know is what it is all about. Then there is my current job and I can tell you that I know what I know and I know what I don’t know….but here, it doesn’t matter…just wing it. My boss has just tasked me with writing something (a big important, something) that I know absolutely nothing about. And this is not something I look up on the internet and learn, nor is it something that I can ask about around the office. The only person to ask, who really knows, is my boss, and he just flew out the door, headed for a 1:00 o’clock meeting. Even if I did know what I don’t, I would still have to be able to verbalize it in military terms, which I also, do not know. It’s very complex. I mean there are varying levels of not knowing that are in full effect here. And so I tried to at least get started with this project and here I sit, blogging to you guys. I used to consider myself a professional at BSing. That’s how I did so well in my college writing courses. Yet here I sit….stumped.

The Load/Unload Procedure

When I go to the store I will load my cart with things I want. As the shopping excursion escalates I will add more items, and then realizing I can’t afford all the things I want, I slowly start removing items and just laying them about the store. No, I do not feel guilt for this. It is someone’s job to walk around Wal-Mart and put things back where they belong…really I am contributing to the health of our nation. I noticed today that the same thing happens when I shop online. I will slowly add items to my cart/bag/whatever and then as I find more items I will remove the ones that I don’t have to have. Then when I am ready to check out, I do one final check of the things I have chosen and remove stuff until it gets down to a price that I like. I think its compulsive buying and I can’t help it! I used to not do that final removal of items and I paid pretty big for this kind of shopping. And so I developed my system of doing one final check and it seems to keep me pretty safe. Sometimes I just want to spend money. Does anyone else have these urges? Like on payday do you get an overwhelming feeling of excitement, like it’s the best day ever and you just have to go shopping? It’s a controlled problem, but one that could land me in hot water someday.

Carlin 1937 - 2008

George, now what are we gonna do with all your stuff? (To my sensitive readers: (i.e. Jenny and Jylaire) don’t push play. There are a couple of Georges “7 words you can’t say” in here, if you catch my drift!)

Outlaws, Criminals, and Monsters Unite!

Now, let me be clear, I in no way endorse Satan, outhouses, peeing in the bushes or smoking. The communities in this country have gathered together in angry protest, to let the Outlaws, the Criminals, the Monsters (let’s just call them SMOKERS) know that they are angry that we are still interested in destroying our bodies, our temples, and stinking up the place while we’re at it. In our defense I would just like to say that we didn’t know when we started, that you would treat us quite this bad, or perhaps we wouldn’t have picked them up…..Nah, of course we would have. Don’t be ridiculous. I must say this is not a fun vice to have to carry around, but you angry non-smokers out there are not making it any harder on us with your shameful looks and ‘it stinks’ expressions, because the truth is, deep in the heart of each and every smoker in this world, there is a genuine happiness that exists when we piss people off. That being said, I have been trying to quit for two long years and have to date, been sadly unsuccessful. I have had many successes but nothing that has stuck just yet. Wish me well, that is, if you don’t hate me too much for it, and I will continue to try. I purchased this little book on a day of frustration with my inability to quit. This little book is a rallying manifesto for the 45 million Americans who are still pulling away and stubbornly refuse to quit, or just haven’t been successful at it yet. Being an outlaw smoker, it is hard at times to be unfazed by the bans sweeping the nation and so this little book is a rebellious ‘pick me up’ that aids you in forgetting the fact that you have a mindless addiction…Plus its funny.

Vader Emotions

There are no words that can describe how much I love these videos. I really, really love them.

Thriller


Being Smart


Crying

Today is a really good day

If liberation had a song, this is what it would sound like!

Poetry from Bridger

I have woken the last two days to find a note scribbled by Bridger on the message board on the fridge. Yesterdays note began "As you wake from your slumber with sun rays beaming down on your face, my wish for you is that the star light that showered down on you last night will stay with you all of today." Now, In defense of his spelling skills, he can do math like a wizard, and knows strange bits of information about things you would never expect. This is however evidence that a poet is lurking in the depths of his twisted soul….and it is proof that I live with a totally hilarious individual!

Note: There was no promise to remember, its just something that he made up. He did however go and pick up our bikes. wahoo.

"You Scream and you holla bout my Chevy Impala" - Beastie Boys

Bridger finally did it. He has been saving for almost a year now and this is his bran new (used of course) Chevy Impala. Yes he loves it, but is almost more overwhelmed by the fact that he will have a car payment for the first time in his life! (Okay, and at 28 years old, who can say that?) Luckyyyyy!

Note to Beth and Nichole: He wanted to bring over to your houses for a show and tell yesterday but didnt have the time. I am sure you will be on the route this evening!

No Mountain or Mole Hill can I not move, if moved

Bow before me tiny infidels, do as I say and no harm will come to you!! I feel so powerful right now. As we speak UDOT is out there fixing the road! The power of one voice. YESSS!!! Thank you, thank you very much. Yeah they’ve sectioned off the whole area and have their big ol’ hammer thingys pounding away at the tracks. And it’s possible that it wasn’t me that caused this to happen, but, come on, it so was! Totally made my day.

UDOT and the Public Involvement Person

If you frequent the area, then you have noticed that as you approach the top of 5600 in Roy, you quite unexpectedly, have your bones realigned and momentarily swallow your tongue. Once that is over and you have passed what some may consider a bump, others a valley, you (with a flood of emotion brought on through fear) suddenly begin to suffer from Tourettes Syndrome and scream out words you didn’t even know you knew. Each time (and this is my personal experience only) the long paragraph ends with “YOU EVIL U-DOT BASTARDS!!!”.
You see, UDOT recently decided they would repave the road at the top of 5600. And they did a good job, I might add. Except for one tiny little section where the old railroad tracks are laid. That is where something goes terribly wrong.
Angered and fearful that my back and my car may need a re-alignment, I called UDOT. My intensions were to say something along the lines of “YOU Grimy *********, *******,****and when I need a new alignment on my car you can bet your ***, that the Great State of Utah will be paying for it!! And another thing…*********, sons a *********!” Okay just kidding I was not quite so colorful and vibrant as that. After all Beth always says “You catch more bee’s with honey than” (oh I can’t remember the last word but it’s something offal like alcohol, or turpentine.)
So I call UDOT and say “I need to file a complaint” and the lady said (Imagine a monotone plugged nose voice) “Hold please I will transfer you to the Public Involvement Person”. The phone rings and this guy answers “Public Involvement how may I help you?” I say “Yeah I got a complaint and I want it filed and sent out in a bulletin across the sky because I am mad” (No I didn’t really say that but it would be funny if I did) But I did tell him all about the rattled bones, the swallowing of the tongue, the fear, and then the sudden Tourette’s that follows when you unknowingly cross the railroad track at the top of 5600. He says that it’s because they have pulled the tracks out of the road and are planning on replacing them. I said “well anyone can plan, planning is easy, I plan all day every day, that doesn’t mean anything gets accomplished, trust me, I Know about plans!”
Anyway, He told me that I should consider slowing down, when I said “I was going slow” he said “Then may I suggest that you speed up”. I said “Ohhhhh, Okaaaayyyy”. Defeated..... but Im hopeful that my mornings of tongue swallowing and TS are soon to end, I feel better that at least I made the effort to address the culprit of a two day epileptic anxiety attack.

Pea's...and their pods

I was just reminded of one of my all time favorite memories. Being a single divorcée with 3 kids and a lot of stress, my Mom would pack us up every year to travel down to Aunt Erna Ellen’s house in beautiful Logan Utah and stay there for 3 or 4 days. SO FUN. One of the best parts about this was that I got to visit with Heidi. My cousin. Heidi and I are not close like we were then, I don’t know why, I guess life just happens, plus were completely polar opposites. Heidi is everything I think a “Lady” should be. She’s really pretty, tall and thin. She walks with elegance, but doesn’t look exaggerated doing it. She is soft and warm, with blond hair and a distinctive voice. You know how there is just something about Barbara Streisand that emanates femininity? Well, Heidi has this. I always looked up to her. She was smart, and mature, and always was reading the coolest book. We would spend these days shopping, talking about books, and daydreaming upstairs in her bedroom. Man I wish we were closer than we are, really fabulous girl. But anyways, one of my favorite memories is of sleeping at her house and then sneaking outside in the morning before the adults woke up and pulling pea pods from her mom’s garden. We would stuff our shirts with them and then scour off to where we wouldn’t get found. For some reason Aunt Erna always knew when we had been in those peas, but I don’t know how, and man would she get mad. WhoooWeee! My Aunt Erna was awesome. She died some years back, but I don’t remember that part of her life, I remember how fun she was. I can still hear her yelling from the house that if we girls “took one more pea!”

Recipes with what you got!

Amber, a work friend sent me a link to this site and its a fantastic idea if your fridge is suffering because you have no time, no money, your cooking for one, or if your just board with your current menu. All you have to do for dinner tonight is get online, select which items you currently have in your fridge and pantry and click 'Find Recipes'. Soooo Cool! What a great idea! Now you dont have to stare blankly in the fridge for an hour wondering how you can make a meal out of coffee creamer, old cheese, a granola bar and two packets of sugar! Like almost every other person in the world, I really dont like to go grocery shopping. So I wait as long as possible between trips, I wait until there is absolutly no hope left of making any kind of meal out of what I have. And now, I can postpone even further. After you select your items and click Find Recipes, the first few recipes can be kinda lame so make sure you check out all that is available and even consider clicking the page down arrows for more! Check it out http://www.cookingbynumbers.com/