Nutty Bubbles and Tadpoles

Come and Get your Happiness

2010-12-20T09:38:00.002-07:00

Perfect for Christmas,
Miss Temple you are still the cutest.

Officially Smoke free for 100 Days

2010-12-14T14:29:00.002-07:00

If you are considering congradulating me you should know first...I have in that 100 days gained at least 10 pounds. So essentially replaced my bad habit for a more advanced stage of food addiction.

"A Marvelous Day"

2010-11-26T07:59:00.000-07:00

My sweet perfect Grandma Robinson passed away this morning. She was my love, my mother, my teacher, my sounding board, my connection to faith, and one of my very best friends. She told family and friends all day yesterday with smiles on her face “Today is a marvelous day”.

Day 50

2010-10-25T15:18:00.003-06:00

I would assume that I have this whole thing licked and that I will never again be hit with the urge to smoke. It feels like its over. However my cousin had been quit for 3 months before she broke down. Like with any addiction, all it takes is once and you are back to practicing the habit as if you had never quit. So I am trying to stay vigilant and guarded. I have no idea how long it will take before I feel "safe" or like I can trust myself. It was just last week that I sat on Beth's patio and wanted one so bad, and at that moment I regretted quitting because just "One" smoke in the Autumn air would have rocked um out. But instead....I went in.

EGGS

2010-10-21T13:27:00.007-06:00

I read an article all about eggs and the good ones are almost all used up by age 35. I am not OLD enough to have discarded all my good Eggs. Time, and clocks, and big hands and tons of pressure. Annie and I had eggs for breakfast. My egg didn’t... drop yet this month. Will it ever again? I found the shell of an egg on the ground outside today. Isent that weird? Suddenly EGGS, they are everywhere. They are all I can think about. What the hell is the matter with me? I Googled EGGS in order to be able to visually express how I feel. But now I feel shame for my panic and embarrassment for what could be considered desperateness. Maybe it is. Or maybe its because whatever I am feeling it feels insanely private (but I can't figure out why) therefore going against all my instincts to share it on the internet. I am going to anyways. All of a sudden my monthly inconvenience is a lifeline to my future and I feel it slipping away and I am scared to death. I cry about it sometimes. It's horrible all those times I was angry at my Eggs for getting in the way of my life and now they are the only way to continue it. I feel great big guilt for resenting them when I was 13 and 24 and 31.

Girlfriend In a Coma

2010-10-07T10:43:00.001-06:00

Annie got sick last weekend or maybe it was the weekend before. It was this whole thing where we ended up in the ER on a weekend night. It cost a ton of money, kept us up until one in the morning and the Dr. diagnosed her with seizures which I knew was ridiculous, all though if she were to drop into a seizure it wouldn’t really surprise me. Not much could surprise me at this point (not that I am calling on the fates to teach me a lesson). I sometimes expect to wake up and find my little girlfriend in a coma (which reminds me of a fabulous song), so I poke at her and wait for her to react by getting up, sighing and then walking to the end of bed before collapsing in exhaustion again. Anyway Annie started limping a few days ago and won’t jump up on anything…even me, which should make me happy but really doesn’t because it means she is hurting. I feel bad for her because with her allergies acting up it’s been over a month since she felt decent. I am worried that it is something serious and at the same time preying that I won’t have to fork out another chunk of my savings. It all makes me feel sorry for myself and for Anna Banana.

My New Favorite Thing

2010-09-30T09:54:00.002-06:00

Sleeping in a new house for the first week was really nerve wracking but I expected it to get better with a little time. Instead I have spent the last four months planning escape routes for me and Annie in case the Boogie Man decided to make an appearance. To say that I have missed only a few hours of sleep while worrying about every single little noise I heard would be an understatement. I have also considered what would happen if there were a fire while we slept. Or what if the Boogie Man or a fire happened while I was at work and Annie were trapped in the house? And that my friends, is where my story begins, with worry and upset for four long months.
So, last week Annie wakes up in the middle of the night, and starts barking in her “OMG there is someone in our freakin house” voice and goes bellowing down the stairs and into our TV room. From a dead sleep I sat straight up, heart pounding, eyes wide, befuddled and disoriented. I had run through this scenario a million times in my head, I knew exactly what to do.
In complete panic I said out loud “OH MY GOD. OKAY, THIS IS IT, ITS HAPPENING” as I threw the covers off of me and jumped out of bed. I then grabbed my sweat pants and pulled them on, fumbled for my keys and cell phone on the night stand, turned on the lamp and slipped my feet into some flip flops. You may be thinking “Wow, all that, I would just get out of the house” but you should know that I had this so well planned that all these things took place in about a 5 second time span. I was awesomely fast, like a trained fire fighter getting into his fire truck and I am now pretty proud of myself. Anyways, I then go flying down the stairs (really I was running with super freak speed), and landed in the TV room where Annie was now sitting with total patience. I did not yet see the intruder but I knew he was there. I then said in my loud “I am totally not freaking kidding you better get your ass over here and mind me” voice, “ANNIE COME HERE”. Of course she didn’t because she’s Annie and to date has yet to come to me except when bribed with treats. Why would I think a serial killer in our house would make any difference to her? This was about the time that I realized Annie was totally calm and there was in fact no one in our house. I sat down on the stairs and stared at my dog who was now licking herself. And there I was, one o’clock in the morning, my sweat pants on backwards, sitting on my stairs with keys, cell phone, and the total quietness of my empty house. This was the low point. I had to make a change. Obviously I was not going to quit worrying about it and something had to be done. And so the decision was made, I needed to get an alarm system.
Yesterday my new alarm/fire system was installed. There are motion sensors and wires and smoke detectors. It’s a real dream. I was so excited that I was not going to get killed last night that I couldn’t sleep. I am in love. I love this thing so much that every time I arm and disarm it I giggle. And when I woke up at 3:00 am for a potty break, I purposely tripped the alarm, just so I could turn it off. It was loud and woke Annie up and she made her annoyed stop waking me up noise. Ahhh sweet revenge for not coming to me when I asked.

Beck

2010-09-27T16:10:00.004-06:00

My little (I think he is 3 or 4 years old) cousin came up to me last night and pointing at a cup I was holding said "Texie, can I have one of your sunflower seeds?" I said "Oh these are just the shells I have spit out; you don't want one of these they are gross." He then covered his mouth and with a worried expression whispered "I ate two of them". I smiled and said to his Mom "Beckett ate two shells out of my spit cup". She closed her eyes and quickly replied "Yeah I heard I'm just processing."

Day 18

2010-09-23T10:09:00.002-06:00

It has now been 18 days since I last smoked. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, I had to quit taking Chantix because it turned me into a crazy lady. The second I quit taking the Chantix all of the nicotine withdrawls came flooding on in, but I decided that no matter what I was not going to smoke. I was always afraid of quitting "Cold Turkey" because it sounded like torture. And it certainly was. The first week was offal. But it was not as bad as I always made it out to be. Now I am in week 3 without a cigarette and everything seems better. I think I can do this and I am so excited that I already have really.
I have a new found belief that there is nothing a pack of Jolly Ranchers and Davids Sunflower seeds cannot get me through if they could get me through that first week.
So its kinda lame that I am bragging like this but...yea me...I did it....well, I mean I probably did it.

Day 3

2010-09-09T07:48:00.003-06:00

I quit smoking 3 days ago and its been going okay. Chantix works great except it turns you into a crazy person. At first I just sat on my couch and cried alot about nothing at all. Now it has turned into a hot ball of white anger. I am so annoyed that the tips of my toes feel angry and frusterated. I have to curl them to handle it. I mean I hate every single thing about this world. I hope the whole thing burns to the ground. And I hate me. I'm not exagerating like I usually do, that is really how I feel. In an hour or two I will most likely feel the opposite. But right this second I hate every single person, place and thing that I look at. I even hate this blog and how hateful it sounds. No I dont feel like harming myself or anyone else. I just feel really REALLY annoyed.

Buffy, Angel and a placed called Home

2010-05-17T08:41:00.002-06:00

Well I have done it. After a long and seemingly horrific process, I am officially 6 days away from closing on a house. Someone told me “If you think getting into a house is horrible, wait till you try to get out”. That was scary. In fact the stress of this whole thing has aged me a decade I figure. Thank goodness that for the last two months I have not come home to worry myself sick about the house, but instead have been obsessed with watching the entire Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel series. Making home buying a nuisance and something that was taking up the time that I could have been spending in front of the TV. Important life lesson: If ever you are under extreme stress, you can turn on the tube and completely lose yourself in pretend people’s lives and just ignore your own. I realize that most of America has this already figured out, but I’m slow okay. Beth and Erin, its girlfriends like you that really know how to get a person through the fire. Had you not been such strong advocates for these shows, I may have never watched and I don’t know if I would have made it through the house buying process. Coarse, I am now forever upset that Spike died in the Hell Mouth and Buffy never realized that Lust is just as important as Love, but hey maybe Angel will make it all better! This next week will surely be filled with things I should be accomplishing and planning for, but instead I think I will be plopped down in front of the television immersed in the drama of demon killing. What I can pack and watch Kung foo at the same time.

Sweetie Pies

2010-04-13T11:03:00.004-06:00

Okay this is the cutest idea that ever happened. They are mini pies (filled with fruit or chicken pot pie filling) that you pre-make and serve up when you want. So dang cute I can’t wait to make them.

First you have to have some fat necked (not skinny) ½ pint jars.

1. Make a pie dough.
2. Push the dough into the sides of the jar.
3. Fill with fruit or chicken pot pie filling. About ½ C. for each jar.
4. Using dough leftovers roll out and cut a topper using the jar lid.
Apple Pies: sprinkle with a brown sugar crumb topping.
Cherry Pies: Make a lattice
5. Cut slits with a knife (or use a cute mini cookie cutter) for venting.
6. Put the dough top over the pie and push against the sides of the jar to seal.
7. Add a small pad of butter on top of the crust.
8. Put the lids on tight and freeze them.
9. When ready set your oven at 375. Pull a few from the freezer and toss them into the oven for about 45 minutes. (Let them warm up with the oven so you don’t have any cold glass in oven issues).
10. When they are bubbly and warm throughout you serve and eat them in the JARS, is that adorable? I cant stand it, so cute.

If making chicken pot pies, and you can stand to do it, skip the crust on the insides of the jar and just add a top crust. It will save on the calories.
For the step by step go to: http://www.ourbestbites.com/2009/09/single-serving-pie-in-jar.html

Okay after this I'll shut up

2010-03-23T07:19:00.002-06:00

I guess my complaint is that I don’t want to change the 'fundamentals' of our country (read yesterdays entry). I love my country, and although I am not opposed to change, especially when it comes to health care, I certainly am against a situation where our Government tells us what to do or penalizes us when we choose differently. WE DECIDE not them. Holy cow the audacity, I am an American, don’t tell me what to do or I will freak out! Isn’t changing the fundamentals really a change of our constitution? I mean those rights are the fundamentals of this country. It is their job to protect the constitution of the United States, but it is our personal responsibility to ensure that that is what they are doing. I may be reading into what he said a little more than I should, but that sentence is weird and it scares me. And the fact that there is so much confusion involved here makes me even more nervous. WHY ARE WE SO CONFUSED ABOUT SOMETHING THAT IS SUCH A BIG DEAL? I know it is our responsibility to inform ourselves, but as Beth and I were discussing yesterday, we have been reading and trying to inform ourselves, but finding an unbiased description of what is really going on is almost impossible. I have been trying to figure it out for a month now. This is BS! The rhetoric and politics feel like lies on both sides.

Change???

2010-03-22T16:29:00.002-06:00

Six days ago, President Obama said “We are five days away from fundamentally transforming the United States of America”. Really? What does “Fundamental transforming” consist of? I have to ask because I think I am not the only uninformed person secretly wondering inside “Should I be scared?”

About Corey Haim

2010-03-10T10:40:00.002-07:00

Prescription Drugs Kill 300 Percent More Americans Than Illegal Drugs.
Tell your kids.

The Magpies

2010-03-10T09:03:00.001-07:00

For the last week and half I have been watching two Magpies build a nest. If you have never done this, you totally should, there is something spiritual and calming about it. When they first started, I thought “Oh that is never going to work” because the space they were attempting to build it in was huge with nothing to support its weight. I even felt sorry for them because I am a super smart human and they are just stupid little birds. I should have trusted that they knew exactly what they were doing, because now they have this huge beautiful mansion, sturdy (survived a crazy wind last week) and well built. I can’t even find a house, little lone build one. If I had the work ethic of these two Magpies amazing things would be accomplished. They are diligent and work from sun up to sunset; only breaking for wind and snow. Eleven days now they have been carrying over their sticks from various directions with total consistency. Often the sticks fall straight to the ground. Gone. You’d think that they would attempt to pick them up, but instead they abandon the fallen sticks all together. It seems like a metaphor for my life. I am sometimes so busy trying to pick up my fallen sticks that I forget the main goal. If I would just “Let Go”, leave the sticks where they fell and keep trudging on things would work out differently, and probably better.

Being Long Tailed

2010-01-26T06:55:00.003-07:00

Buying a house is such a pain that I have recently begun wondering if it is worth it. After all living with my father means never being alone, he is awesome at keeping the wood burning stove stuffed full of wood so that the house is always the warmest, loveliest place to come home to. He always mows the lawn and shovels the walks. I really have nothing to worry about at all. It’s nice. Sure I am an old lady living in her father’s basement, but I have never really cared much about what people think of me on that score.
The pressure of buying a house is making me a little nuts, a little nervous and anxious. Dad himself keeps saying “You act like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs”. But it is a big deal right? It’s my home, and my work, and my time (9 hours a day, 5 days a week) that we are talking about here. I don’t want to make a mistake and it's to the point that I would almost prefer staying right here in my happy bliss.
Of coarse Dad see’s things differently. In discussing my ‘at home comfort levels’ he replies with such things as “NOOOOO, GET OUT, GET OUT!!”, and other little subtle things like that.
So last night I thankfully was reminded of why he makes me crazy and why I do actually want my own home. Here is the list:
-Stays up all night watching that freaking fire in fear that it will go out and we will be cold. Seriously, stays awake until like 2:00 every morning, walking up and down the stairs (which happen to be located right over my head). I woke up last night from all his stomping around, only to realize that the TV was blasted while he watched a 1985 NASCAR race. I wish I could capitalize numbers because right here is where I would capitalize 85’. Who cares about a 1985 NASCAR race? WHO? That is the worst sound to wake up to because it’s all that buzzing, vroom, weeeeeeen, vroom as they make like 500 laps around and around.
-Then this morning I wanted toast for breakfast, but the toaster died (the one Owen gave us back in 1998(ish) and there will be no toast in this house until I replace the device because he will see it as an un-needed ‘cost’.
-I have asked him over 100 times if he could please ask his visiting teachers to come earlier in the evening. I don’t understand what is going on here. They show up at 8:00pm and talk until 9:00 or 10:00 O’clock. Are visiting teachers supposed to stay that long? So because I emanate a feeling of annoyance when they enter the house, I am pretty sure they have decided that I am not supportive of his belief system (so untrue) and so they fight harder to ‘keep him on their side’. (Mind you, I have no proof that this is going on, it’s a super big assumption on my part, but it feels real). Last week, they sent teachers to visit ME. They were very nice, but like seriously I have nothing in common with them. You may be thinking "Classic black sheep" but, for the record I see myself being more of a purple or green hue.
-He yells at Annie for the lamest things. She is such a good dog and her and I both look at him in confusion when he gets all riled up about something like a piece of paper towel ripped in two on the floor. (Which if I see first I always pick up).
Well, that is pretty much it. He is actually my best friend in the whole world so you would think I could pull up a little more dirt than those lame 4 examples. But they are all I have to hold onto. They are the silver branch of light I am using to fight against the overwhelming desire to give up on the house search.
Tonight my agent and I are going to see a house in Layton. He said there was ‘Just a little water damage’ in the basement. I wonder if his concept of a little is the same as mine? Like did a kid spill his sippy cup on the carpet and a few drops soaked in or did the entire basement fill with 6 feet of water during last winters thaw?

Texie- On being a Brat

2010-01-13T13:40:00.002-07:00

As I drove to an appointment yesterday to see yet another house, I thought about my sad, sad condition. All the things I wanted for myself that I have never gotten (because they were supposed to be served to me on a silver platter), about how my life really has not turned out the way I expected. It’s not bad, but I do not have everything I want either. And by the time I reached my destination, I was downright drowning in pity and despair for what I have become. I set these feelings aside as I met with the real estate agent that is selling the house and stepped inside. There was a nice woman standing in the kitchen and she immediately apologized about the condition of her messy house, which was indeed a disaster. As I walked the trail of her scattered belongings, I had the hell scared out of me a couple of times by little faces that would out of nowhere…appear. I think there were 4 or 5 kids I inadvertently ‘ran’ into. One smiled at me but the rest kept their heads down lost in their own thoughts. The house didn’t have that ‘Happy Home’ feel to it. I mistakenly (and small mindedly) blamed it on the clutter. I couldn’t wait to get out of there and so once I had quickly scoured the residence I thanked the lady for her time and stepped out of the house. The real-estate agent said “I am sorry it was such a mess in there. They are the renters and in talking with the woman I found out that she just recently lost her husband”. I replied “Oh that’s okay, I hope she lost him through a divorce” trying not to assume the worst. But the realtor said “No Brain Cancer”. BRAIN CANCER. She is my age, has tons of children, is about to lose her rented home and her husband just died from brain cancer? For real? This kind of total nightmare stuff actually happens?
This morning I woke to the news of Haiti and the devastation that has taken place there and feel shame for my ridiculous self pity. My life is great. I have the most wonderful father in the world, the most sincere friends that ever existed, a dog that showers me in unconditional love, a fantastic job, great colleagues, a home, food, my eyes and ears and limbs (even if my ass acts as a booster seat in the most uncomfortable situations) and I am so loved. It really is a shame that I am a spoiled rotten brat unaware of the reality of her life. Instead of being grateful that my friends are not being pulled out of collapsed buildings in a lifeless state, I wander around town wondering why material things have not been served to me.
I hope you all know (my many, many followers) that I love you so much, that my life is so rich and it is because of you. And if I take you for granted, (and I probably will again) I am so sorry because you are my biggest blessings.

Annie's 3rd Birthday

2010-01-10T10:08:00.004-07:00

A new Birthday coat and a ball that whistles, what more could one want?

Around noon we will be going to McDonalds for her 6 piece chicken McNugget Happy Meal and then I will take her to visit her favorite people. It may be strange to celebrate a dogs Birthday but really its a freakin miracle I have gotten her this far what with her physical problems and 'special needs'.

Ramblings and Updates

2010-01-06T15:02:00.002-07:00

Due to overwhelming demand, I guess I should attempt a post. There does not seem like much to say these days, I guess that is why I have not. I am currently looking for a house to buy. It’s turning out to be kind of fun so far. I have written my list of “Must Have’s” which are:
- A back door
- Fully fenced
- Good roof
- Sprinkler system
- Shed (if no garage)
I would really like to have some covered parking, but after some investigative work I have determined that if the price is right for the house I buy, I can afford to put my own car port in. Same with a covered patio. It’s only like $1500.00 to 2000.00 bucks. It would defiantly take me a year to save for it but it could be done.
That’s pretty much it. I don’t want to spend time bitching about Jayson and how he is dying because I would rather be in denial and then shocked when it happens as opposed to facing it and being shocked when it happens.
Bret called and left a voice message on my work phone the other day. I puked but it was just a little in my mouth so not really worth mentioning. lol.
Annie is good. Just happy to be alive and have friends. I swear if I aspired to be like anyone it would be her. Always positive, always happy, accepts things the way they are, kind, makes friends easy and never gets mad. She would make an excellent human being, but then she makes an excellent dog too.
I actually had a really great Birthday, went to Rainbow Gardens with all my girlfriends, the most beautiful women on the planet, and then we shopped, went to a movie and even got ourselves a pedicure. So funny because at the end, the two girlfriends that were left at that point, both went on and on about how therapeutic the day had been for them. Beth, the new Mom of a crazy curious boy had a broken foot, well practically, and Ricki, the mother of two darling girls, one of which is now a tween (that’s what they call them now right?) felt like they had spent the day at the spa. It made me feel good that my Birthday could be a time of womanly regrouping instead of another ‘To Do’ on life’s endless list of to do’s. Ricki even called crying (at least I think she was) telling me Thank you for the great day. I have no stresses so it was just some good ol’ fun for me. Of course after going through the house buying process I reserve the right to retract that last statement.
Christmas was great, I spent time with my Pa, brother and niece. New Year’s festivities were held at Nichole’s house this year. We were all party party. Beth even brought her funky Happy New Year headband. And now I am back to work off of Holidays and it’s been a little hard to get back in the swing of things. Before Christmas I didn’t work this many hours of the day I swear. Now I am pretty sure I am putting in about 15 hour days even though the clock says something contrary to that. So that’s about it. I hope all you have a wonderful Christmas and I hope your New Year is full of hope and goals for the future!

Again, he is just funny

2009-11-19T16:15:00.003-07:00

Here is my Boss' latest email about the garbage can (Note these are actual images he is capturing to send to us):

From: Tom XXXXX

To: All

CC:

Subject: Although a noble attempt.....

Adding a bag on top of the bag doesn't actually count. The garbage can is still full and will need to be emptied...this does receive a "Positive Effort" award though..

Leonard

2009-11-16T11:50:00.001-07:00

I am home from my dreamy journey with Leonard Cohen. Everyone has been asking me how it went and honestly I feel there are no words to adequately describe just how great and beautiful it was. He was majestic and soothing and everything I knew he would be. I fell just a little bit more in love with him than I was before. Beth and I had a wonderful time. And with the exception of a few flight seating issues it went perfectly. I had purchased the concert tickets months in advance, but was never quite sure where we were to sit because the provided map left little to be desired. I had a guesstimate and they were fare seats. Imagine our surprise when we handed our tickets to the doorman and he walked us to the very front of the concert hall and sat us on the fourth row back. We FREAKED out. We were a mere 20 feet from Mr. Cohen and his sweet humble self the whole night. I was even more surprised to discover that I have never really heard music played as it should be before this concert. I don’t know if it was the hall we were in, or if this was the first time that I experienced an entire band of flawless musicians, but whatever it was I can say now, to hear good music played by talented people in the right atmosphere leaves your mouth on the floor and heart souring in the air. All these concerts later and this was really my first. It was spiritual and healing and lovely. We heard every chord, every crisp strum, it was just amazing. Of course reality shattered me to a wakeful state almost as soon as we re-entered Salt Lake. I am proud to say that I returned to my life kicking my feet and screaming bloody murder into my cell phone. My adolescent protest availed me nothing. I wish I had a couple of pictures to throw up here, but I was scared that if I brought my camera they would take it away. Beth, however was more brave than I (as usual) and got a lot of pictures and even some video, thank goodness. It couldn’t have been better…well I did spill Beth’s $10.00 glass of wine in her lap at one point, but I was hardly the one to suffer from this incident. This was a Major item on the ol’ bucket list and now I can successfully place a check mark next to the name Leonard Cohen.

Ahhh people who understand

2009-11-16T09:16:00.000-07:00

2009-11-09T08:16:00.000-07:00

Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash.
-Leonard Cohen

3 Days Left people!

The Dream Wreaker

2009-11-03T14:04:00.003-07:00

My X boyfriend is like a curse that will never let up! I broke up with him two years ago and I am still being called by him, at work no less, to be whispered sweet nothings that make me throw up a little bit in my mouth. And that is not the worst part. I SWEAR every time he calls (monthly/semi-monthly) the rest of the day is cursed. All current dreams for my future seem to be destroyed. What ever I am working on for my life seems to be annihilated. Its like the fates of X boyfriends past telling me that I will never really get away and find the happiness I seek. Well, at least when he finally flips out and murders me (because he is psycho like that), he will no longer be able to be the wreaker and destroyer of all my small dreams.

2009-11-03T08:49:00.001-07:00

”I have been away so long that disappearing is how I become noticeable.”
-Leonard Cohen

2009-10-29T13:54:00.001-06:00

“I showed my heart to the doctor, he said I just have to quit, then he wrote himself a prescription and your name was mentioned in it.”
– Leonard Cohen

2009-10-28T10:53:00.000-06:00

Prayer is translation. A man translates himself into a child asking for all there is in a language he has barely mastered.
- Leonard Cohen

For Beth

2009-10-27T15:49:00.000-06:00

The last refuge of the insomniac is a sense of superiority to the sleeping world.
-Leonard Cohen

When in Idaho

2009-10-26T18:06:00.005-06:00

On Saturday Beth, Isaac and I drove to Idaho for a lovely day at Nichole and Larry’s cabin. What a fun day. We went for a walk, rode on four wheelers, shot guns, and made Hobo dinners in a darling little grove at the bottom of a hill. Beth bought me a bottle of Idaho potato lotion and on the way back through ‘town’ I grabbed another. I super love Idaho potato lotion. If you want silky smooth skin, trust me, it’s the way to go. I don’t know if it actually performs miraculous moisturizing, but it does make your skin as smooth as you’d image carbohydrates are. So next time your in Idaho, give it a try, or else you can borrow a pump of mine!

2009-10-26T09:23:00.001-06:00

"My interest in this pack of failures betrays my character."
— Leonard Cohen (Beautiful Losers)

Suprise!! You are Choking

2009-10-23T11:53:00.001-06:00

Surprise is always followed by a secondary emotion.
“Surprise!!!” it’s your birthday, is followed by elation.
“Surprise” you’re mother is dead, is followed by devastation.
One time I choked on a piece of popcorn and it was powerfully surprising. The secondary emotion was subtle and unexciting I think it was slight appreciation. Appreciation that I had not died or perhaps escaped the need to make a public scene, as it happened in a theatre. I am glad that in my life I have felt Surprise-Appreciation….but I hope I don’t feel it again.

2009-10-23T10:43:00.002-06:00

"I have often prayed for you.
Like this
"Let me have her""
-Leonard Cohen

2009-10-22T10:52:00.000-06:00

"My reputation as a ladies' man was a joke that caused me to laugh bitterly through the ten thousand nights I spent alone."
—Leonard Cohen

The wakeup

2009-10-22T04:12:00.002-06:00

Up at 4:00am and as I stumble through the darkness of the bathroom, eyes still closed but trying hard to open, I step on my curling irons plug that just so happens to be extending out to the middle of the floor. There was screaming. I am not going to say it was "the worst thing" I am just going to say, it was pretty bad.

2009-10-20T14:37:00.000-06:00

"As our eyes grow accustomed to sight they armor themselves against wonder."
-Leonard Cohen

Mourning the Glitter

2009-10-20T12:17:00.002-06:00

When I was young, I thought that movie and TV stars were the classiest, prettiest, most magical people alive. I am pretty sure they were not, but the point is they were able to make it ‘look’ like they were. I fear that something has happened to Hollywood in the last decade that makes the glamorous seem desperate and classless. Either it’s me losing my ability to see the magic, or all the Glamour that was Ginger Rogers and Audrey Hepburn is gone.
Now days we have cheap reality TV stars, Kramer who freaks out with racial insults during standup, Mel Gibson who has decided to become an angry anti-Semitic drunk, and Brad Pitt who seems to me to be obsessed with being with the prettiest girl in Hollywood, who ever that may be at the moment. The classless Kardashian’s, Jon and Kate’s horrible public divorce, and Paris’ ability to be famous for being famous are just sad examples of what I am talking about.
Then we have that small group of individuals who are trying to jump on the Reality TV celebrity bandwagon and what a group they are turning out to be! With the lovely OctoMom, and now the balloon boy incident I am wondering what Reality TV is doing to Hollywood’s image.
There are still some shiny stars out there; I think Beyonce handles herself well. Maria Cary is still sprinkled with glitter; we still have Nicole Kidman and Queen Latifah, Anne Hathaway and Will Smith. My point is something seems to be dying in Hollywood. Its losing its appeal and it’s a little sad. Is it technology? We still have all the TV media sources, plus now we are in constant contact with the sometimes trashy news sources that are on line. Also all these stars are suddenly on Facebook and Twitter, they are writing blogs and putting their ‘real’ selves out there. We think we want to know the real celebs but when we find out they are human and flawed just like us, it’s a little disappointing, at least it is for me. I want them to remain magical. Like the YouTube rap video about why Miley Cyrus is no longer on Twitter, is a perfect example of why Miley Cyrus should never be on Twitter or anything else that puts her in the public eye without a PR manager monitoring. Not that I thought a whole lot of her beforehand.
Maybe it’s just the caliber of person that ‘we’ want to watch these days. Maybe Hollywood didn’t lose its glitter; maybe it’s the public who have become tasteless.
I feel bad for talking like this. I know they are human beings. I don’t mean to imply that they should never mess up, I just think they should attempt to be more discrete about it. And I wonder how much of it has to do with an addiction to their own celebrity? While trying to get more attention, do they end up losing the sparkle that makes us love them in the first place?

Funny little baby

2009-10-19T14:23:00.004-06:00

2009-10-19T13:41:00.001-06:00

"Never make a decision when you need to pee."
- Leonard Cohen

2009-10-15T16:04:00.001-06:00

"I don't consider myself a pessimist. I think of a pessimist as someone who is waiting for it to rain. And I feel soaked to the skin."
-Leonard Cohen

Paranormal Activity

2009-10-15T09:18:00.003-06:00

So I believe in ghosts and the possibility of the unexplainable. I have never experienced anything ‘strange’ or ghost like in my own life, but I still think that for some reason there are people that can’t or won’t move on after they die. So when Beth suggested that we go to Salt Lake to see the movie Paranormal Activity, I was onboard. It was a scary movie. Subtly scary. I didn’t know I was freaked out as bad as I was and I bragged all the way home that scary movies and ghost stories don’t upset me after I leave a theatre. Now I am eating my words. I woke up three times last night with freaky thoughts of someone standing over me as I slept. This may be the first time a scary movie has actually stayed with me through the night.
Happy October!

2009-10-14T10:22:00.000-06:00

"I am an old scholar, better-looking now than when I was young. That's what sitting on your ass does to your face".
-Leonard Cohen

Exercise

2009-10-13T09:26:00.003-06:00

A woman watches her body uneasily, as though it were an unreliable ally in the battle for love. -Leonard Cohen

So I purchased a treadmill off of KSL this weekend. I have only been at it for 3 days, but so far I am pretty happy with myself. I am preying it does not become one of those mysterious basement objects that never gets used. Nichole explained to me that its all about getting the heartbeat up to 60 bpm and keeping it there as long as I can. I gave it a try. I thought I was going to die. D.I.E. Proudly I did obtain and maintain a heart beat of 40 bpm for a half hour. Then I collapsed. This is going to take patience I am thinking. I will consider myself a success if I just continue to get on the thing for a half hour a day.

A REAL problem

2009-10-08T13:45:00.002-06:00

And I spoke too soon. Took my car to the mechanic for a simple oil leak and was just informed that it is not an oil leak at all, but a coolant leak and its gonna cost about $660.62 to fix. REAL problems here I come. Good mood....possibly fading.

Bad Day, Good Day

2009-10-08T12:50:00.003-06:00

Having a series of bad days all in a row does something to ya. It makes you forget that good days are just around the corner. I have been having a bad day since last Thursday. No particular reason. I don’t actually have any problems in my life, not any REAL ones anyway, and so to stay comfortable, I randomly get unhappy and have strings of bad days. I am a 'Foofaraw'. If you frequently have problems in your life then you have no idea what I am talking about. Anyway, Today is a wonderful day and there is no reason for it to be but the air is lighter, and cleaner. My work people are all pleasant and I am just flat out feeling fond of them today (an extreme opposite from yesterday). I think there were just 3 or 4 good things that happened all in a row and bam, good day. Last night I helped a friend move, which moving of course, is like the worst thing ever, but she really needed the help and the exercise lightened my mood. Plus I was with my girlfriends and can I really ever have a ‘terrible’ time if I am in their company? No. Then my Dad came home from deer hunting. Just for the night but it helped me with my loneliness. And that’s pretty much it. I have been happy as a bird all day.

Word of the Day
Foofaraw: Excessive Decoration. Alot of fuss about nothing.

2009-10-08T09:15:00.001-06:00

"Act the way you'd like to be and soon you'll be the way you act."
-Leonard Cohen

A Man Cold

2009-10-06T09:12:00.000-06:00

Survival Kit

2009-10-05T09:10:00.001-06:00

I quit smoking…again, 5 days ago. It’s just misery. I mean it’s not the end of the world, but it kind of is at the same time. This time, in an effort to lighten the misery load, I made a Quit Smoking Survival Kit. I thought somehow, that this fabulous and rather expensive kit would minimize the urge to smoke. I just HAVE to quit. Smoking, as much as I love it, is simply not part of my future plans. And I am so tired of feeling like crap because of it. Anyways, I thought I would share exactly what is in my survival kit as it is kind of cool…I think.

Bendy Straws – for chewing and sucking on.
Vanilla Sugar body butter - because non-smokers smell good
Cinnamon flavored toothpicks
Tylenol PM
Gum….ALOT of gum
Teeth whitening kit
Notebook for my thoughts -Smoking is like saying “Time out, I have to think about this for a minute” I really relate to Poo Bear when he sits on his log and says to himself “Think, Think, Think”.
Colgate Wisps - I wonder when my colleagues will start wondering why I am constantly sitting at my desk brushing my teeth.
Bag of Sunflower seeds
Carrots and Celery
Dental Floss -I think mostly because I love flossing.
Bert’s Bees chap stick
One vile of emergency instant death suicide serum -You wouldn’t believe how much they charged me for this. It was Insane.

Frozen Fingers

2009-09-30T12:41:00.005-06:00

My work place has to be one of the coldest places on earth. Its freezing in the winter due to huge windows that surround my office and just as cold in the summer because central air is, I believe, from the devil. I sit directly under the air duct and shiver all day long. Yes I have jackets. Yes I have sweaters and a blanket too. But these are mere mortal accessories that do nothing for a simple human when used as tools against something as wicked as ‘forced air’. But then there are the other two times of the year when it is neither summer nor winter and so my colleagues (mostly men) decide to keep the central air on. Today is the rainiest coldest day of the season so far, and I am very uncomfortable. I keep trying to type fast, but all the muscles in my fingers are on lock up and each time I slam a finger down onto a key I get a jolt of pain, like when your toes are really cold and then you stub them into the vacuum that you were to lazy to put away. The windows are seeping whispers of the temperature outside, while the vent that is aimed directly onto my head, showers me with bursts of chills. So I am sure you will understand when I say that the cold sandwich waiting for me in the fridge for lunch was not exactly calling my name.

I then got a great idea; I’d go to Village Inn for lunch. I would go in and order a warm meal and just sit there and bask in the warmth. It would be great. I mean it’s an Inn after all, the title alone suggests comfort.
Not so. Village Inn is even colder than work. I didn’t know it was possible. But there I sat shivering, all alone with my warm French dip and way too salty aujus sauce, thinking “how is this possible”? I spent $12.00 dollars.

One thing is for sure. When I am done today, I will go home soak myself in the hottest bath I have ever had. There will be bubbles and steam and happiness everywhere. I will even torture my puppy by making her stay in the bathroom with me so that I have someone to talk to. All plans for this afternoons accomplishments have been canceled. All appointments, overlooked. I will be warm today, maybe not now and maybe not for many hours to come, but eventually I will get there.

Yummy Blue Berry Bran Muffins

2009-09-28T19:21:00.003-06:00

When starting these muffins, I will admit, my expectations were quite low. But, turns out they are delicious. I decided to try them because I am so sick of oatmeal or cereal for breakfast; I just had to come up with something else to eat in the mornings. Aunt Jill predicted that they may taste like a Mormon Muffins, and she was absolutely right. They are Mormon Muffins with a little blueberry. YUM!

2 cups Whole Wheat Flour
3 cups White Flour
3 cups All-Bran Cereal
5 tsp Baking Soda
1 tbs Salt
1 cup Brown Sugar
3 cups Natural Bran
3 Eggs
1 1/2 cups Apple Sauce - unsweetened
1/2 cup Molasses
1 liter 1% Buttermilk
2 cups Blue Berries

Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl. In a separate bowl, beat eggs and add all liquid ingredients. Add to dry ingredients and mix well. Refrigerate overnight. Fold in blueberries. Fill muffin tins 2/3 full. Bake 375* for 15-20 minutes.

I sprayed the muffin tins with Pam. I also used drained and rinsed canned blueberries, so if you use fresh blueberries they may not turn out as sweet. Also this recipe makes a ton of muffins. My whole dang kitchen is covered in cooling muffins right now. I have no idea where I am going to store all these!
If you make them as directed above these little babies are only 1.5 weight watcher points!

Fall

2009-09-25T09:13:00.005-06:00

I just love the fall. Although this year it seems to have come too soon, the air is still refreshingly crisp in the morning and the sounds of football in the background make me want to bake muffins, wrap up in fluffy blanks, and take rides in the mountains.

"The tall maple tree outside my kitchen window is bent and blowing; the branches are bouncing and almost brushing the ground; the shhhhh noise of thousands of leaves rubbing together in the wind is the music of September".

Those cute British people

2009-09-21T09:58:00.003-06:00

There is just something about the British that we Americans absolutely cannot get enough of. I am pretty sure it’s the adorable accent. But we love them for other things as well; their royalty, their history, and especially The Beatles. Now, with that said, I have to just mention how bad some of the British celebs are pissing me off. They keep coming over here, and talking about our politics.
Eddie Izzard (whom I adore, absolutely) said in his famous stand up skit in Los Angeles “The NRA says “People kill people, not guns…..well, I think the gun helps””. Hilarious, Eddie, I love you. But really you come over here and start talking about our politics as if Europe’s got it all figured out and we are sooo behind. We fought a horrible war in order to have our own system that we would get to dictate. Our ancestors went through hell in order to get away from Europe’s ‘already figured out’ ways. In case you haven’t noticed, we still aren’t listening. We are still fixed on having our own individual ideas.
Eddie’s little comment there makes me laugh and so I easily forgave his audacity. Plus he is a comedian so he has full blanched on jokes.
But then, at the MTV video music awards, Russell Brand stands up and says something about how in his country they don’t let the citizens die in the streets, and we need to pass healthcare. To this I say, well I am glad that you are the authority on what we should do to fix our problems. And we don’t let our citizens die in the streets. If they need medical care, they can walk into an emergency room anywhere across the country and get help. Please.
Russell, you are adorable; obnoxious to a fault, but adorable. But really, why don’t you go home and fix your own problems, and leave our problems up to us to work out? We all know there is a need for healthcare reform, and we will decide what we are going to do to fix it. “For the people, by the people”, you want to be “one of the people” come on over, we’d love to have you and your adorable accent. But until then don’t come on TV programs and spout your views on what needs to happen in MY country. It’s none of your business. And if MTV put him up to it, which I am totally sure they did, that is fine, but get an American to come out to spout these brainwashing the youth political agendas and leave those adorable British people to do what is that you are paying them to do….talk in that adorable funny accent. And so Russell, using a great Death to Smootchy quote; “You’re not paid for your opinions so get your ass our there and dance for the cameras”.

2009-09-17T08:53:00.003-06:00

9/11/01

2009-09-11T08:38:00.004-06:00

The biggest lesson I took away from that day was about unity. Remember how united we were? All the lines and boundaries disappeared. All the arguing and disagreeing faded away. There were no Democrats or Republicans; there were no racial or sexual barriers. We were all just one thing on those days after 9/11, we were Americans. It was the first time in my life that I understood the phrase “United we Stand”, and came to the realization that when we are united, Americans stand hard.

Thank you to the service men and women for protecting my family, my friends and our way of life.

God Bless America

Flying Friend

2009-09-02T14:23:00.002-06:00

I just read something that I really want to try…I can’t explain why.

How to make a fly your pet:
Catch a fly in a jar, put him in the fridge and let him cool down just long enough for his metabolism to slow so he is not his perky self. Then take him out of the jar and tie a 15” string around his leg. Now you have a fly on a leash and can tie the other side of the string to your finger. (They said that they tried it and although it required alot of patience it did work).

What is in a name?

2009-08-28T05:45:00.002-06:00

I secretly love it when they name a hurricane or tropical storm the same name as someone I dislike. I know I shouldn’t ‘dislike’ anyone, and I wish I didn’t, but somehow it seems like its natures way of calling them out on the carpet and exposing them for who they really are. Like some kind of cosmic revenge from the fates.

The Voice

2009-08-26T11:56:00.004-06:00

Did I ever write about Leonard Cohen before? Well, first of all, if you don't know, he is a poet and writes the most beautiful, mesmerizing, comforting, seductive words I have ever heard. He can make me smile, cry, and become a humanitarian all in one breath. And then there is his voice. Deep, sometimes sad, sometimes erotic, sometimes lost, always soothing. This comfort he possesses has many times over made everything okay when it didn’t seem okay. I can’t say how often I let Leonard sing me to sleep. Leonard Cohen’s voice does for me what Sean Connerys face does for most women. You know how its got that timeless appeal?
So anyway I am FAa reaking out right now. I just got online and with a perma grin plastered to my face, purchased tickets to see Leonard Cohen in Las Vegas on November 12th. I can’t believe this will actually happen. This is serious people, he is a genius and I get to be a part of the history, I get to look at it and listen to it. I am going to be in the same room with that voice. I wish I could bring a huge comforter and cup of hot cocoa into the concert hall and just curl up on the floor for the most soothing 2 hours of my life. That may not go over well, so I will have to settle for just closing my eyes. I am pretty sure they play Leonard Cohen in heaven all day long. In fact now that I say that, I am reminded of a Kurt Cobain lyric that went “Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld, so I can sigh eternally.” Ahhhhh. Total high.

It's Raining Babies

2009-08-19T10:07:00.008-06:00

I said to my Dad this morning "York's wife had those babies Monday."
My Dad said "Oh, she had a bunch of um huh?"
I love him.

My family is welcoming a few new littles this month....these are my newest cousins:

Miss Piper Thorell

Miss A Cooper and Miss B Cooper
(First names....pending)

I havent met any of them yet, but from the pictures they all look adorable.

The Blanks

2009-08-14T09:00:00.004-06:00

Last weekend the friends and I went to Layton park to see The Blanks. I had no idea who they were and was not going to go, but Nichole swooped in and convinced me that it would be a wonderful afternoon at the park, with blankets, and yummy food and friends. And so it was. Thanks Cole that was so super fun.

Oh and The Blanks,.... turns out they are freakin hilarious. Just adorable, so if you get the chance, go see them, I would recommend it.

What happens when lazy wins

2009-08-10T14:49:00.001-06:00

So we have an electronic entry key for the area I work in. It’s a plastic card about the size of a Credit card and fits comfortably into your wallet. I don’t take my wallet everywhere I go so when its potty time I usually put it in my pocket. Well, today I am wearing a skirt that does not have pockets so I neatly tucked it into my bra. Upon coming back from the restroom I decide to take the lazy way out and instead of digging in the bra to remove the key I hoist my boob up to the electronic strip and am immediately let in. I think I am hilarious right, until I enter and realize the guy sitting in the foyer just inside the door has seen my MaGic breast action from the window that runs down the length of the door. His eyes are huge and possibly a little grossed out. So funny but I am totally inappropriate. I'm embarrassed now, but when it was happening I guess my laziness overtook any mental warning of what “could happen”.

Note to Self

2009-08-02T17:01:00.000-06:00

Never mix a cup of coffee with a bag of Almonds.

My Funny Boss

2009-07-30T08:58:00.003-06:00

Some may wonder if it is even possible to like your boss. Although it’s a rarity, it is possible, but it takes a very special funny kind of boss to make it happen. Email below that we, his employees, received this morning regarding what is becoming one of his big pet peeves.

Sent: Thu 7/30/2009 6:45pm
Subject: Art Contest

(...notice the delicate placement of items to the left and right of the can...pure genius...)

Because this is now copyrighted "Art" please don't attempt to re-create...and if you see it getting to this point, save us all some legal trouble and empty the garbage or we may have to start paying royalties.

Thanks :)
Tom.

I dont even know what this is about

2009-07-08T15:17:00.002-06:00

The worst thing ever is when you are having a spiritually 'challenged' time in your life for no dang reason at all!
The best thing ever is when someone says to you "This has nothing to do with spirituality" when referring to a very important goal of mine....because (and... sooo dont take this the wrong way) they are in so much worse shape than I. I dont mean this to sound judging because it is not. The person who said this to me... seems to be lacking a certain faith that I have found even in the greatest atheist or agnostic.

In fact I have a friend (a best friend) who dosent believe in God at all and she is such a beautiful caring person. I mean seriously no Christian would believe. I have another friend who considers herself a "Hopeful Agnostic" (adorable, that line makes me giggle a little everytime she says it) and she too is one of the most important, caring people in my life.

Its just a personal understanding about where you fit into the fabric of the universe. And honestly I used to know where I fit. I was a teeny tiny lint ball and now I seem to have fallen off my blanket.

Dispite that, I have a smile on my face because I have faith that I will find my blanket again. I just fell off it for a second... okay maybe a little longer than that.

I miss my girlfriends today. I hope you are having a good day. And I love you.

2009-06-25T20:55:00.005-06:00

To admit how devestated I feel about this would be completely embarrasing. What an incredibly personal loss this is for me.

Okay, For Real?

2009-06-17T12:54:00.003-06:00

I just got off the phone with a Canine Dermatologist. Yea…Canine dermatology! Not only is there a person out there that specializes in canine dermatology but there is a whole clinic and team of people who specialize in it. Of course you can’t get this kind of canine attention anywhere; you have to drive clear to Salt Lake to speak to these crazy canine skin enthusiasts.
Annie has allergies. She is allergic to pollens and grasses and molds and what have you. When you are a dog and have allergies, you don’t sneeze and scratch your eyes; instead your entire body breaks out in a rash and itches and drives you crazy. Actually I don’t know exactly what she is allergic to and that is why I found myself on the phone with the dermatology clinic. Annie will be tested. They will determine what she is allergic too exactly; create a special ‘Annie serum’ that I will inject into her body (yeah with a freakin needle) on a weekly basis. This is called hypoimmunotherapy yeah that is One word. I have to do this. Currently she is on medication for her allergies. This medicine costs (bare down) $100.00 a month. I’ve done the math and here you go: that is $1200.00 a year and if she lives her entire 17 expected years turns out to be about $20,000.00. OMG! Giving her shots will cost significantly less, after I have paid a huge bill for the testing, the shots will be about $30.00 a month….do-able.
I have had many people say “I would have put her down by now”. For real, that’s what they say. And to be honest I would have to, if I felt about her the way that they do. But I don’t…instead I adore her. Annie goes everywhere I go. With the exception of at work time, we are rarely apart. Two peas in a pod, Paris Hilton and that Richie chick (pre-break up). Annie is the sprinkles on my cupcake. Put her down and you can try me for murdering my BFF. Who goes around killing their best friends? Like no-one.
At what point do I have to face the fact that I have turned into one of those crazy dog people? I can see it now, me at 80 years old: short, a little fat (yes still), short white hair. I’ll be wearing one of those Christmas themed sweat shirts with a pair of stretch denim jeans (you know the kind with an elastic waist band), and I will have a poodle on my lap that I call precious and talk to like it’s a real human being. With the exception of being old, this scenario is already my reality. I do call her precious. I do talk to her like she is a real human being. I am ashamed. I am embarrassed. I am super lame. I am not putting her down.

To Brighten your day

2009-06-03T14:50:00.000-06:00

The Mirror of Lies

2009-05-08T11:06:00.002-06:00

I have a magic mirror and when you are standing in front of it, you sorta look a lot skinnier than you are. Yes I know, I know, you want it. But the truth is….I look in the mirror, as I did this morning and I see a thinner better looking version of myself and so I am feelin’ pretty hot right? I scram out the door without a second thought. I’ve been feeling pretty great about my outfit all morning because I look soooo good in it and then I accidently look in the bathroom mirror on my break. Dum Dum Duuummmmm. Total doom sets in as I wonder how on earth I ever allowed myself leave the house looking like this. Hugemongo. I mean my boobs which are huge anyways are now a uni-boob. And they look like they are touching my knees, my ass literally expanded by 4 inches, and this shirt, I swear to you now it will be burned by this afternoon! It’s not the first time that this has happened to me and I usually try to avoid all mirrors during the rest of the day so that I don’t run into this harsh reality check. But I messed up. I got careless. And now I am sinking into what is inevitable self consciousness. It feels pretty crap. It’s really sad because I am wearing my new and totally Fab burnt orange strappy sandals and just to be crazy and stylish threw in my new mustard yellow leather purse. Now they seem deflated like I’m just a fat girl with great accessories. Weight Watchers…..why aren’t you working faster for me? I am paying you great money and yet I don’t get advice or counseling when I come in with yet another week of your “looks like you didn’t lose anything this week" comments. Instead I get “Don’t worry about it, keep trying you’ll do better?” WHAT? Are they crazy? Don’t worry about it? I am working my ass off (not literally obviously) to lose some weight here and you don’t want me to worry about it? PA-LEASE!! I have been the exact same weight for 5 weeks in a row now. The only time I lost weight in that time period was a week ago when I lost 1 pound that I had gained the week before. I will tell you all something. I will prevail. I will win this battle. I will exercise longer and eat even less (although I may get to the lightheaded stage if I reduce more) it doesn’t matter I will achieve what I want. I will continue to walk through the fires of hell and starvation to reach my triumphant moment. If you are fat girl you should join me…FAT GIRLS UNITE!
P.S if you still want my cursed magic mirror you can get one at Wal-Mart for like $8.00, its full length, but I’ve warned you of the hazards.

Just a mention

2009-04-30T14:27:00.002-06:00

There is nothing worse than biting into a bad carrot.

My Italian schedule

2009-04-29T13:26:00.003-06:00

Sept 24th: Leave SLC utah
Sept 25th: Arrive in Venice
Sept 26th: Take tour of Venice Islands
Travel to Milan
Sept 27th: See Milan
Sept 28th: Travel to Pisa
Travel to Florence
Sept 29th: Take an authentic Italian cooking class
Sept 30th: Travel to Assisi and Rome
Oct 1st: See Rome
Oct 2nd: See Rome
Oct 3rd: See Rome
Oct 4th: Go to Pompeii and take a boat around the Island of Capri
Oct 5th: Relax in Rome
Oct 6th: Fly Home

Ohhhh, doesn't it just sound dreamy? I cant wait. I cant believe I have to wait for 4 months before this actually happens!

Vaccinations

2009-04-10T11:52:00.002-06:00

So. I am going to Rome in a few months and was reading about all the vaccinations that a person needs in order to go. I have no idea what I have or have not had vaccinations for. How does one go about finding out this type of information? The Dr. who would have administered these shots to me (Dr. White) is long gone. Well, his office is anyway. I have no idea how to find out if I have been vaccinated or not. I certainly don’t want to go through all my vaccinations again as I do remember shots (of what sort I do not remember, obviously) from my childhood and I gotta say, not a pleasant experience. Does anyone know how I can obtain this information?

2009-04-01T14:48:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I think that the only reason why I don’t tell my brothers to get out of my life is because I am so sick of people telling me that I should. Maybe it’s because I feel soooo alone in this battle that when I am told that I should tell them to leave me alone, I tell myself “No one in my life understands how this feels”. “They” don’t care about them, and so of course it’s super easy to say it with conviction from "their" perspective. I am tired of pretending that I am not a co-dependent. I am tired of lying when I tell the world that I don’t wipe their asses for them.

Nosy Parker

2009-03-19T14:55:00.001-06:00

So I meddled in my boss’ life the other day and was told a secret that I didn’t need to hear nor did I want to hear. It was not work related. Anyway, I was embarrassed for meddling, especially when I was just trying to have some ‘light chit-chat’ and he was embarrassed because the secret is kind of huge and in older days would maybe be considered shameful.
So a minute ago I walk up to him while he is speaking with a few other colleagues, to tell him some stuff (that totally doesn’t matter to this story because it is work related) and he says “Well, I just told them the Big Secret”. I say “Oh you did, they know the Big Secret huh”, then he says “Oh no, not that big secret, the secret that we will not be having cake for Rich’s Birthday today. I haven’t told them the other secret”. So I say “That was the Big Secret right”, trying desperately to cover his ass. Which by now looks really strange to the others because why would the boss be telling me Big Secrets? And so he says to them “No the other Big Secret is that my son and his girlfriend will be having a baby and that we just found out they got married in July”. All the jaws drop and lots of conversation ensues (that he did not have time for because he was headed out the door for an important thing). And I am now sitting here wondering if this was my fault or not. Somehow I feel guilty either way. DANG IT, if only I hadn’t Meddled!

How do I get this goodness in me?

2009-03-16T09:56:00.004-06:00

It's almost Easter and I dont want to sacrifice my precious sugar filled darlings! Yes, I could have one. But one is not enough.

A little perspective

2009-03-09T15:30:00.001-06:00

So…best friend Ricki just called me. And to make a long story short (and to protect the story as I don’t know how happy she would be at me making her life completely public)… she tells me that her Ex- husband has a brain tumor (or a “shadow” I guess is what he is calling it). She said, that he said, that right now, it looks okay. They are keeping an eye on it and so far it is appearing operable if needs be. But, just the fact that this is going on is obviously scary as hell. This is the father of her children and as she explained, once you hear something like that, all the animosity kind of fades into the back ground. She called him and they agreed that from now they are going to act like friends and be good to each other because after all they were best friends for years, they should be able to act something like friends now. How grown up. I can’t even forgive the boy who sat behind me in 3rd grade and pulled at my pigtails!

Shhhh Don't Say It

2009-03-05T08:52:00.002-07:00

There are a lot of reasons why I love Rush Limbaugh. But the very biggest reason I love him is because if you are standing in a room full of Democrats all you have to say is the word “Rush” and their eyes pop out of their heads and they start foaming at the mouth.

Get ready to Pee

2009-03-02T13:09:00.002-07:00

Okay I laughed so hard watching this! My co-worker was conducting a training session and I couldn’t refrain from laughing out loud, and inadvertently disrupted his class. I think he was angry, but I seriously couldn’t help it. After watching it 3 or 4 times you get to where you can actually see the bird he must be chasing, and the whole story tells itself right down to the very end when the practically caught bird suddenly gets away from him and darts off. Just watch it. Thank you Dooce!

Longing for Summer

2009-02-27T15:08:00.003-07:00

I am feeling so desperate for summer that I am almost ready to resort to this:

Wish My Bed Was Already Made

2009-02-23T08:35:00.003-07:00

The thing is, at least once a week I find myself stuck right in the middle of a Morrissey song. And this week, "Everyday is like Sunday, everyday is silent and grey". It just all seems to pile up and explode on Mondays. Oh my gosh my eye just started twitching, a sure sign that I am seriously stressed. The good part of all this is that on Tuesday, after I have gotten 8 hours of sleep and chilled out just a little bit, I will realize that I was freaking out for no reason at all. All of a sudden everything will be calm again, the sun will shine, and I won’t remember why it was that Monday turned out to be total shit or the reason why I wore a hat all day that said 'Vile'. I won’t remember why I was upset at all. But for right now, it’s completely obvious. And so I am going to put on my headphones (and hope that I don’t accidently sing out loud) and blast me some Manic Monday.
Hope everyone elses day is running a little smoother!

The News

2009-02-09T12:21:00.000-07:00

Sitting at my desk this morning, I gazed out the window and watched the earth being covered with zillions of huge fluffy snowflakes, when it occurred to me: I don’t believe the weather should be allowed on the news. Here is why: Because the weather is 50% Science and 50% prediction. It’s not 100% fact. And the truth is when the weather man is wrong, (as he was last night in telling me that we would have rain until the commute home and only then would it start snowing) I feel within me the grumbling roar of resentment. I don’t mean to resent him. I sat here, solemnly looking out the window and thinking of Damon Yahney who actually did not give me the muffed up forecast last night, but who’s face I associate with ‘All’ weathermen, and I began to feel the fire of that old familiar resentment. Whyyyyy WHY can’t ‘he’ just predict the weather correctly just once in a while? I could have told you last night that by morning the ground would be blanketed in snow because you know why?????? Yeah, I went outside and there was that weird calm in the air, the sky was mixed with grays and whites and the clouds seemed closer than normal. I could smell it. I could see it. I could feel it in the wind. And yet when I checked my weather anticipating them to tell me “The snow will here when you wake” I instead went against my better judgment and believed them when they said instead that it would not snow until tonight. 6” later….. Now you may be asking “What was the consequence she suffered for listening and believing them last night?” and my answer is; there was none. It just further lessoned my belief, my hope, that weather can be guessed correctly.

A lot about nothing really

2009-01-26T12:38:00.003-07:00

Okay let us just talk a moment about the 4” layer of ice that was my car this morning! It took not 15, not 20, not even 30 minutes to scrape my way to the inner surface…but ONE Friggen hour! And that is what happens when it rains and snows at the same time in Utah. The doors were frozen shut so I couldn’t even get in to turn the car on. Were I able to enter the car then I could have started the great dethaw (Is that even a word or just Utah slang? I guess it would be easier to just say “thaw” as opposed to “dethaw” wouldn’t dethaw mean to re-freeze?) From the inside, while I worked relentlessly on the outside. I’m pretty sure I have frost bite on my lobes and thumbs.

Politics: Ohhhh politics. I am so tired of the endless bantering. I am very grateful that I live in a country where I can stay informed (or mostly informed depending on the lie) on all levels. However, it’s the constant bickering and bitching that finally makes you turn off the TV in disgust right? To be shamefully honest I was sort of looking forward to a democrat being in office so they would just shut up and quit all that complaining, and now the Republicans have started up. NO ONE CAN EVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT IN THIS COUNTRY. Unless you land a plane on the Hudson, but I don’t even know how to fly and most of my party members don’t know how either. (Please don’t leave me comments about how the ‘process’ of freedom works…I get it. I just get tired of all the fighting even though I am blessed to have it.)
Love: It’s almost Valentine’s day…again. Why are we always celebrating this holiday? I swear it comes along 4 times a year. Beth and I went to Wal-Mart the other night and happened upon the ‘Valentine Isle’. What a fluffy overkill of a holiday. So commercialized and ridiculous. Okay I am fully lying about my feelings and the V Day. I love it! I wish someone would give me some chocolates and flowers and even some of that fluff, perhaps in the shape of a teddy bear! Please leave me comments about your Valentine’s Day plans so that I can live vicariously through you!
Annie: Yesterday morning I rolled over to this: And I couldn’t help myself; I had to get a picture. She is so “friggen fabulous”. (Stolen quote from Clinton Kelly.)
Other things: I cut my hair off. Well, not OFF, I mean it still hits my shoulders, but I think they took like 6 inches or so. I was really liking it until today. I think that I thought that if I cut my hair then magic would happen I would suddenly look 20 pounds lighter. That didn’t happen. However, it only took me 5 minutes to do my hair today, so full on bonus!

Huh

2009-01-26T10:53:00.001-07:00

This will at the very least...make you smile.

Nanny? Taxes? Cheating?

2009-01-23T09:49:00.002-07:00

Ewwww, scandal perhaps? I actually am feeling kind of sorry for Caroline Kennedy today. I think there is no mystery here. I think that she knew she was not going to be picked (perhaps because she is unable to even answer a question in real sentence form, “you know what I mean”) and to save face she ran away from a responsibility that she really never wanted. Any who…that’s my take. I honestly can’t believe that she would try to fill this seat anyway. Just because your Dad was a president doesn’t mean that you are obligated to work in politics. I mean...you are still American Royalty. No one can take that from you girlfriend! Oh where is John-John when we need him, when she needs him? He never wanted anything to do with politics. God he was hot.

My Current Craft

2009-01-22T14:53:00.007-07:00

Okay, I know it has all been said before, but if you have never used a crocheted washrag, you have never experienced true cleaning satisfaction. I have been making these all week. I think I am making them to dwarf my lack of patience at buying a house. It makes me feel like even though I have not yet bought a house, I will one day, and when I do I will place my fabulous little washrags in their proper drawer. Anyway, while I am at it, if you don’t have one of these, let me know and I will make you one because you are my loved ones and you should not have to clean your kitchen again without having this fabulousness.

Caught with the fly down

2009-01-22T14:13:00.007-07:00

I don’t normally laugh at others misfortunes...accept when they are way more fortunate than me! No just kidding, because this is totally something that would happen to me, I would love to feel some kind of empathy for him on this occasion, but I have grown to dislike the man and here is why: Angelina Jolie (who by-the-way I totally loved the first time I saw. Even as a crazy and unsettled post-teen I liked her for being a little daring and wearing what’s-his-names hair or blood or something to the liking around her neck). However, I just don’t like her anymore. She just puts off this "I am way better than all the rest of you" vibe that I can’t get over. Does she think this because she has the money to go to Africa and bring children back here for a way better life (sarcasm). Probably. I don’t know. But she has ruined Brad Pitt as well. He isn’t even cute anymore! Like even if he shaved he would still be, not as cute as he once was. I blame Angie. P.S besides the obvious, why is he wearing a women’s scarf. LAME-O. Also what is with the hat? I mean hasent he stepped out of character yet with the old Button routine?

Spooning

2009-01-15T12:10:00.003-07:00

This morning I was watching Snapped on TV (so that I could stop the negative thinking that bombards me in the mornings and ultimately ends up ruining my day, yeah I have what I call 'fits' of negativity and they hit especially hard in the morning and when I am cleaning...go figure) and there was this woman who killed her boyfriend (who never loved her and constantly told her he wanted out of the relationship) while they were sleeping with a gun and then ended up spooning with him the rest of the night. Wow, that was the longest run-on I have ever created and I have definitely created my share of run-ons! Anyways she kills the man and then cuddles with him all night. It disturbed me, as was the intention, and then I turned off the TV and went about my day. Then (while working very hard) I came across this image:
And I am reminded all over again of the story that sent chills down my spine. Okay it didn’t really freak me out that bad, but now, I am picturing dead kittens cuddling and what is actually an adorable picture is now sad and gruesome. I would at this time continue on and confess to you that I must be one sick individual, but.....come on, you guys already know that about me and so I will bid you farely well. (Even though I have just plastered, splinters of yucky thoughts into your heads).

2009-01-13T11:36:00.003-07:00

HA! I don’t know why this makes me laugh...but I just think the whole scenario is hilarious! I can't even side with one or the other. I mean, if it's true and she has been cheating...then I think he sortof has a point. If it seems like he's bitter...well, maybe he has a right to be!

Divorcing Couple Battle Over Kidney

(Jan. 13) - The couple for whom a kidney donation has become a $1.5 million sticking point in divorce proceedings squabbled publicly Monday during a Long Island court appearance, according to the New York Post. "This is a man who put his life on the line, and his wife treated him like a piece of dirt, garbage," said an attorney for Richard Batista, who claims his wife cheated on him after the transplant, according to the Post.
Dr. Richard Batista claims his wife cheated on him soon after he gave her a kidney. The couple are getting divorced, and now he wants the organ back, or $1.5 million. Dawnell Batista denies his accusations. She filed the divorce papers in 2005. The Batistas, pictured here in happier times, married in 1990.

Along came Dispicable

2009-01-12T11:24:00.004-07:00

I figured when your wife left you for being a sex addict, you would, for the first time in years be able to show up to all the award shows with as many ladies on your arms as you could fit! However….David did not take this opportunity. He must be trying to get the wife to come back to him. Now he sorta looks pathetic and scrawny. I think rehab must have worked too well!
P.S I think Calvin Klein suits should be reserved for boys and young 20 somethings.

I lost It

2009-01-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

I went to Wal-Mart yesterday with my Dad to do some grocery shopping. It was crowded. Really crowded, and people are so slow and in the way and it’s so frustrating to even walk down one isle. My Dad was slow. He kept throwing things into the basket that we didn’t need. I tried to explain that I don’t have the money to just throw things into the cart all Wiley-nilley. He didn’t seem to notice. We made it to the back of the store where the yogurt is. A girl stood there in the way, dazed, taking her time and talking on the phone. I waited. I didn’t want to run over her or push her out of the way. Finally she walked back to her cart and I expected her to move along, but she didn’t she just sat there in front of the yogurt talking and looking confused. Finally she moved enough that I figured it was my turn and so I walked up and attempted to grab the flavors that Dad and I like when I am surrounded by fat, hurried women who obviously all feel that waiting and being polite is not for them. They were everywhere. I couldn’t find the ones I was looking for and people were touching me and reaching over me and around me and…. Well, I flipped. I don’t remember all I said, but it was in reference to hungry desperate cattle and wild animalistic behaviors. I walked back over to the cart where my Dad stared in horror and I said “we should leave before we are killed.” A lady next to me said, (in a rude annoyed voice) “Oh chill out were not going to kill you.” I said “Well I doubt that, just like I doubt that I can come into Wal-Mart on a Sunday and have everyone act like HUMANS.” My Dad was totally humiliated. I felt really guilty for embarrassing him. I felt embarrassed too. I couldn’t help it, the anxiety had been building and building all through the store and then I finally broke. I won’t go to Wal-mart on Sunday anymore.

What do people do?

2009-01-09T14:28:00.002-07:00

I used to never watch TV. Then when I moved into my apartment and the world became lonely, I began to watch TV every day. It all snowballed from there and then got to the point that watching TV was all I did. I have come to a conclusion though….I Don’t Even Like TV. I am always miserable when I am watching it. It depresses me. It makes me feel…board. So having come to this conclusion I decided that I wouldn’t watch TV anymore. Now a life without TV is strange. What the hell was I doing before I got sucked in? What did I do with my time? I feel like it has caused an identity crisis. It has forced me to ask ‘identity crisis’ questions like “Well, what do I like to do?” I can honestly say that I have no idea what I like to do, I am just looking for something to do that I don’t hate! It’s really annoying. Luckily I have a job that requires me to stay at work for 10 hours a day leaving barely enough time to get home, eat dinner and wash the sweat off before I have to go to bed. And so that’s a blessing. I know I am supposed to be going to a movie this weekend with the girls, very different from watching TV and so I can handle that. Anyway, I am sitting here at my desk thinking about how its Friday and I get to do whatever I want this weekend and I how I just cant wait to get off of work, but then what am I so excited for? I have nothing to do. No stupid TV to watch, no big plans (except the movie…and the fact that I will spend Saturday with Annie because it’s her Birthday.) This reminds me…I have purchased the cutest Birthday gifts for my sweet dog! I am excited to give them to her she is going to be so siked (too 1980?). I should go to the gym, but yeah, like that's ever gonna happen?

January 10th

2009-01-08T07:52:00.002-07:00

I made this for Annie's Birthday.

I should have it printed and framed it turned out alot cuter than I thought it would....thanks in large part to Beth's awesome photography! click on image

Goodbye to 2008

2009-01-06T11:46:00.001-07:00

I love you Adam

2008-12-24T09:22:00.003-07:00

Christmas Bohemian Rhapsody

2008-12-24T09:22:00.001-07:00

Alvin & the Chipmunks

2008-12-24T09:21:00.001-07:00

Funny

2008-12-23T09:42:00.001-07:00

Guilt Trip Accomplished!

2008-12-22T08:28:00.003-07:00

Oh how the calls have flooded in! Boy what a rain storm my last blog has caused! (I never knew there were so many who read this stupid thing). I need you all to know that I am totally and completely aware that I am so loved. I want to make clear that my last blog entry was about loss, change, irrational fears, and my own inabilities to completely recover from something that is impossible to completely recover from. Maybe I should not have written it as I see that it could be misconstrued or possibly conveyed that I do not feel as cherished as I know I am, but then I am glad I did because it was about as honest as I could possibly be about something that will continue to affect me forever. Change is inevitable as we all know, and with it growth. Growing pains are necessary and it is those that I was referring to. I love you all so much! From now on, I think I am gonna make this a yearly tradition; About 3 days before my Birthday I am going to put all of you on the biggest guilt trip ever and receive days of attention in reward! Totally kidding! I am so sorry if I made anyone feel bad or unappreciated...Especially my family.
I had a wonderful Birthday. I was not home to recieve many of your calls, but it was a very fun day. If you can imagine, I even forced Dad to go to Rainbow Gardens for a Mormon muffin and shopping. And he actually survived. I felt horrible about it but it was soooo funny, he only used 2 inappropriate words throughout the whole thing. He looked so confused. Like I had taken a country boy and set it down in the middle of New York or something. He said, (and he says this every year just to remind me) "Texie, did you know they did a study and a man shopping during the holidays encounters as much stress as a fighter pilot during war?" I said "Yes, I think I did hear that somewhere Dad". What a tough ol' cowboy enduring that much stress only 9 months after a heart attack. What a man wont do for his daughter.
I also had a wonderful get together with my friends. We had a Rock Band night and we were legendary.

Crashing Down

2008-12-19T10:46:00.001-07:00

So as I said in my last entry, every year at this time I get a bug for appreciation. I become overwhelmed by all the blessings that I have. Mostly for my friends. And then this Wednesday a little pressure was set in motion by the need to figure out what I was going to do on my Birthday. It set the wheels turning for what would inevitably be a ‘crash’. 11 years ago I saw my Mom for the last time on my Birthday. I was sitting at my Grandmothers kitchen table just after a yummy Birthday dinner. My Mom was tired. She stumbled slowly grabbing on to everything that could balance her and stood at the top of the stairs. “Headed to bed already?” I said. She replied “Yes, happy Birthday baby girl.” And she looked straight in my eyes for just a moment. And then she disappeared down the stairs. And that was it. That was the last time I saw her.
My Birthday has changed significantly from what it was during those days. No more family outings. No more Grandparents. No more tradition. I have had to say goodbye to a lot of what I always considered to be ‘My Birthday’. With that, new tradition has begun and I guess that’s where the blessings and thankfulness come in. If I didn’t have my friends and my Dad I would very possibly be alone on my birthday. It scares me for the day that my Dad is no longer here and my friends are busy and distracted by their lives. Will there ever be a day when my life is not celebrated at all?
It has bothered me. Especially this year for some reason. So thankful that I am loved, and scared to death that one day I won’t be. I need to let go of the fact she won’t be here for my Birthday. Am I crazy that it has been over a decade and this is obviously still eating at me with such intensity? If I am crazy then what steps do I take to get over it? I can’t just sit back and let it continue to hurt me. If I do then I will never have a good Birthday ever again. That is seriously ridiculous. I don’t know what to do. Of course my girls will throw me a fun and comforting bash on Saturday. And I know deep down that the day will never come that they will let me and my life go uncelebrated. The day will never come when they are too distracted by their own lives, but the fear still remains. I am tired of going through this death year after year and Id like there to be a day that I can let go and just love being exactly where I am at in my life instead of fearing where I will one day be. Maybe that doesn’t make any sense. I feel a little silly writing about it anyway. I mean it is just a Birthday. It’s just like any other day. One thing is for sure, healed or not healed, I will always make too big of a deal out of things. It’s just my way.

Which Austen Herione are you?

2008-12-17T15:21:00.001-07:00

Take the Quiz here!

The 32nd Year

2008-12-15T15:35:00.003-07:00

Thirty Two in 5 days and counting. This number is alright by me. Not young enough to be fooled by just anyone, not old enough to….well, feel old. Every year when my Birthday rears its ugly head I am suddenly overcome with an overwhelming sense of thankfulness. I become sentimental “if you know what I mean” and everything seems to take on a new meaning in my life, a real meaning, meanings that are not filtered or lied to or challenged by the mundane or anxiousness that sometimes surrounds me. I am as always forever thankful and humbled by God for his gratuity, and aware that I do have the very best of what he can offer. Certainly with Friendship, the true experience of unconditional love from my Dad, and the loyal (and certainly undeserved) trust of a dog. These things are my most prized possessions. But when my Birthday comes round it is also the things I forget to be grateful for that seem to emanate from every facet and corner of my life. Like a glistening crystal with so many colorful sides that I can’t keep track of where all the colors are sprouting from. My eyes that see every detail in a snow flake. My ears (if I would just open them a little more instead of being so closed up), my hope, my dreams, my wishes, my accomplishments, my LIFE. Things that I can’t pick up, things that I will always have. These things that I tend to overlook. What grace have I? Not deserving of such treasure! I certainly did not earn these things. How many people drift through life without truly knowing what real friendship is? I know. Not because I have shown it, but because it has been shown to me. My girlfriends are the emeralds and diamonds and safire’s in my life. They add the color Pink to my world (even though I don’t think that one of them appreciates the color as they should).
My brothers. They may be half crazy but their mine. Lost in turbulence, and sad to their souls, I have to appreciate every single second because I don’t know which moment will be the last one. Their sorrow will continue, I can’t make it go away for them, and so with it my defenses and guard always up, but that doesn’t diminish the blessing that they are or the lessons that they have taught me.
All these blessings break into sections and divide and fill my life with warmth. I wish I was a better person, more deserving. But then that’s another miracle I owe a curtsy too.

Game for a little Bush Wacking?

2008-12-15T13:12:00.005-07:00

Some points and questions
1. Wouldn’t a Stiletto do more damage?
2. Do you think they returned his shoes to him after it was over, or…do you think they kept them as evidence? If they kept the shoes do you think they will be in a museum one day?
3. Okay where the hell were the lethally top trained security people that are supposed to be there before the bullet strikes? I mean, aren’t they supposed to catch the bullet in the chest and die for their president, go out in a flame of glory to always be remembered and respected? If they won’t even get up for a shoe...what chance do our presidents have?
4. I am actually impressed by his swift athletic ducks. You can’t learn that in college people, you have to be born with it.
5. How embarrassing. He should really consider not traveling for the remainder of his time in office. Wouldn’t a phone call suffice?